Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
EffYoLife 14
thats what you get for opening the door
newsgit 0
Do people read the ******* comments? People make great points there, read before you type. Also, honestly, is physical violence the answer to anything? I don't mean to be all school counselor-like, but you don't shoot someone in the ******* balls because they broke up with you, no matter how they broke up with you.
zaphilia 0
I think that everyone who's saying YDI has never been shot with a paintball gun. It ******* hurts. And I'm saying that from experience with some protective gear on. This guy had no protection whatsoever, and it was point blank. So everyone who's saying YDI, go get shot with a paintball gun at point blank range with no protection on, then come back here and tell us all how he deserves to suffer that kind of pain because he dumped someone over the phone.
dereksmalls1985 7
First off, a big **** you to everyone who says this poor sap deserved it. Shooting someone (with a paintball gun or other otherwise) is never the answer - phone breakup or no. Has it occurred to any of you that he broke up with her over the phone because she's a psycho?
mtc4ever 0
why over the phone?! especially after 2 years! you fcking deserve that. well...I'm not tha cruel but I'd try to make you feel like shit the way you obviously made her feel
mtc4ever 0
I wouldn't physically abuse you though. you definatelt deserve it while at the same time, fyl. just for the injury... nothing else.
d_1_m_2 0
im sorry but i have to say, low blow man, both ways, i hope you had a good reason. id do the same if i were her...
anastasia614 0
i think that he should have a peephole on his door then when he saw is ex-girlfriend with a paintball gun he should have ran away for his life! sorry you don't have a peephole, bro. get one in case she comes again :D
IMB916 0
That was a terrible thing for her to do but you are a dick for breaking up with her over the phone. especially after 2 years together. it would have made her feel worthless.
acsims 0
Getting hit in the vag KILLS. I can't imagine the pain of getting hit in the nuts, let alone with a paintball gun! FYI, breaking up over the phone is pathetic