Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
idrownfish 0
fyl dude. i hated paintball for 3 reasons: one, the other team didnt abide by the distance rule, i cudnt see without my glasses and my teammates were idiots. i get shot 3 times from 10 feet away in my arm. my teammate is next to me goin WHERE R THEY when "they" were right in front of us. i had paint all over my goggles nd no sight and i cud STILL see em better than him. i ended up having bruises from that time a year ago to today. oh and the idiot teammate didnt get shot. not once.
revbeast 0
wtf I would so hit her. and I'm a freakin dude
UberFail79 0
Prescription for x1 Sig-Sauer P226 Practice regularly. Signed- Dr. Paranoid. (That's real advice formatted in the style of a joke, FYI.)
DimitraPwns 0
you're a spineless coward for not speaking to her in person
IRunGameEP 0
WOW that SUCKS
moi101 0
hahahahahaha
Sdelta 0
#32's comment is right. And this women should be locked up for good.
Drummer389000 0
no one deserves that...
Drummer389000 0
if she shot him in the balls with a paintball gun there's probably a reason he broke up with her in the first place... I'm surprised he didn't punch her in the face... I know you shouldn't hit girls but when you're under attack you're under attack... steel the paintball gun and shoot her in the twins.
campbellshayla73 0
damn I'd of rather had it ovr da phone I got broken up with through a txt & then he called but I also didn't assault his nuts with a paintball gun I'm not tht insane Op fyl