Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
Ada360 0
SHIT! YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS AWESOME!! :D
IcePrincess88 1
you stupid asshole. i would have done the exact same thing she did. why the hell would you break up with anyone over the phone, especially after two years? YDI for being such an arrogant s.o.b.
TaylorVenturina 0
you don't brake up with your girlfriend you've had for two years over the phone. your an idiot
Standupboi 0
you totally deserve it. as a guy,getting dhot in the balls point blank with a paintball gun is NOT in anyway,pleasant. however,you should NOT. have broken up with her over the phone. so YDI
vincentg_fml 0
YDI even though Im a guy I think u deserved it ur a looser for breaking up with your gf over the phone and this is a fake FML post obviouslu
zaphilia 0
He's a looser? Really? I thought that over-the-phone breakups made someone a loser, not a looser.
thatevilguy666 0
go and shoot her in the crouch with a been bag gun. meanly cause shooting her in the crouch wont hurt as much as her shooting you so if you use a been bag gun than it will hurt more. have a nice day
zaphilia 0
Does this post give anyone else the mental image of some psychotic ex attempting to shoot a bean bag chair at his ex girlfriend while she's crouching?
nkklllll 4
that made my day, well two days, that was amazing.
Nasiswand 0
And yet if you did it to her it would be abuse. call the cops man, that was uncalled for and psycho bitch needs some jail time to help her realize that abuse is not to be tolerated, no matter who the sex is of the person being abused.
1on1wdeath 0
Fyl OP (: I've got me some boobies and they have been shot with paintball guns cause I suck balls at paintballing. It's a phone breakup; everyone does them, even the chicks with thorny sticks in their vags saying YDI. Hope your balls get better! I suggest a heating blanket at night and icing them for 10 minutes per day ;3
nkklllll 4
ma'am you are awesome. lol
ObliviouslyAware 0
That's what you get for breaking up over the phone.
Ada360 0
Why does this remind me of 'what happens in vegas' when the girl hits the dude in the balls and he's like 'WHY!' and then she's like 'YOU KNOW WHY!' Funny...