Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML
Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML
Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
Today, yet again, whenever I try to put on music in the car, my son starts chanting, "Poop! Poop! Poop!" to the tune of whatever I put on. It's been almost six months and it's driving me fucking crazy. FML
Today, my five year-old sister won't stop saying, "Shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML
Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
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Top comments
way2go 16
It could be worse. If anyone else hears it, you can turn "shit" into "chips" or something... Maybe. Kids don't speak that clearly at first anyway
xxbvbsusanxx 21
I take it since you said "first real sentence", your son isn't old enough to be told something isn't okay to say? I'm sorry OP, that sounds really horrible, but also kind of funny. :) I'm sure it won't last for a long time, he'll find something else to say.
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Comments (40)
way2go 16
It could be worse. If anyone else hears it, you can turn "shit" into "chips" or something... Maybe. Kids don't speak that clearly at first anyway
xxbvbsusanxx 21
I take it since you said "first real sentence", your son isn't old enough to be told something isn't okay to say? I'm sorry OP, that sounds really horrible, but also kind of funny. :) I'm sure it won't last for a long time, he'll find something else to say.
how_about_no_ 19
Buy duck tape. Or maybe you could, you know, teach the child not to say it. That works too.
baseballbv 17
Duct*
Redoxx_fml 22
Yeah let's not go with child abuse...not unless the kid's Joffrey
amicusbriefs 10
Technically there is a brand of duct tape by the name duck tape... so yeah, this works.
at0micmin3r 23
#17 there is a brand of duct tape called "Duck tape". Do a little more research before making a fool of yourself.
CJB3228 17
At least it's not true. I hope.
BecauseImAwesome 4
Sounds like you should give him a swat or two. That taught me which words not to say.
Sassie8810 9
That seems a bit harsh, considering the child is just learning to speak.
cakefete2 31
That's the time that it's easiest to teach them. It saves them so much trouble in the future, when the weight of their actions bear down fully on their shoulders. I can honestly say that there have been two spankings that have saved my life.
IHaveThePower 18
If you can't handle a child who's just learning to speak with redirection, rewards, and physically moving them if need be, you really fail at parenting. I never had to even swat mine--she was the best-behaved kid in her classroom, and she's got her AA as she's graduating high school. I'm sorry your parents didn't put any time into you, but that's part of the whole 'parenting' gig.
Fmlsea 28
why smack the child when someone Taught the child to say it ? the person who taught the child to say it deserves a smack across the head.
blazingshot147 19
#35 if you don't discipline the child for saying some thing he's not supposed to, he might grow up to be a stubborn and extremely rebellious child. However I do agree that the parent should just do a quick bop on the mouth and full fledged smack the one who taught the kid it. Honestly I don't get why people think swat to a child means hitting him to the next town, not like a small bop to the mouth or top of the head. Sure as heck worked for me.
jazzy_123 20
exactly Just teach the child that it's not OK to say that. I never understood why people found it cute or okay for children to say bad words. My sister's friend says 'F*** you' to his niece and she sticks up the middle finger and says it back. that's not attractive of him to teach her that. She's only like 3 or 4!
feven 32
That must be hard to explain to people...
ForwardUn2Dawn 18
The real question is, does mommy like shit? ;)
EdenCrystal 21
No.
cakefete2 31
Suppose the child heard mommy say "that's some good shit."? To a child, they might take it literally. Anyone who has dealt with kids knows that children tend to pay attention when we don't necessarily want them to.
blcusername 27
True, but if I had kids I wouldn't say words I don't want them repeating around them
mattatom17 10
Well sorry OP but that's hilarious. Although young children can get away with that.
IllestRated 17
Just like the baby on YouTube saying '**** it'
91hayek 31
Sounds like Daddy has been making use of all his one-on-one time with her.
91hayek 31
*him. Goddamit.