Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
Ashter 20
Sue the bitch. Put her psychotic ass in jail. And to all those saying he deserved it, that's like saying a woman deserves to be physically harmed for breaking up with a guy. So what if he broke up with her over the phone? That's assault and she shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. Poor sap probably did it so she wouldn't knife him right there on the spot. FYL OP. Oh and just in case, get a spyhole for your door so you know who's knocking next time.
OlieBaby1625 0
HAHAHAHA now this is just effing hilarious. I like her already. thats what you get for breaking up with her over the phone. douschebag.
OlieBaby1625 0
oh and 229, I'm a woman. I have an older brother. I've been shot repeatedly in the ass from a close range (about 1 foot. ) with frozen paint balls. and I still say he deserves it.
nkklllll 4
That's bullshit, no guy, ever, should be shot in the crotch with paintballs. And I'm just gonna go right out and say, you must have a really fat ass if that shit didn't make you bleed. Alot. Or your brother didn't put it on competition pressure and wasn't shooting you at 300 feet per second.
44Kevin44 0
Getting it in the balls is a bit different than the ass.
Hitman4Hire 0
The Point is that if you shot with a paintball gun at that range you WILL bleed no if buts or maybes if you don't then there is something wrong with the paintball gun and god has graced you with divine luck
GothicTress 0
Owww.... I hope the paintballs weren't frozen!
slatter 1
lol I want to say ydi for breaking up with one of the most awsome people ever, but FYL because thts a bit harsh
DeStock 0
Been there done that... spent a day crying in the corner lol.
morglol 0
and pop goes the weasel! remeber if she's packing she'll use it.
Crow1116 0
You know, I can't go either way on this... He deserves it for breaking up over the phone, but she went a hell of a long way for it. I'm sorry, but if you can't tell someone face to face that it's over, you're just a wuss. But misdemeanor assault is going a little too far to get revenge...
jenwahh 1
I've been hit practically everywhere with a paintball gun, but i still don't think he deserved it. Like, yes it's harsh to break up with someone over the phone, but every does something like that at some point.
decisive_pumpkin 0
I guess she figured you didn't have any balls anyway, and took away the physical evidence.