Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I got a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three-foot range. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML
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Top comments
somepartsareme 0
Fake, you couldn't have balls, you broke up with her over the phone.
effed_over 0
That's why you don't do it over the phone.
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Comments (327)
boatkicker 5
FYL OP. I cant even come up with a better way to say that. Just.... fyl. Also, phone break ups are okay. Lots of girls would actually prefer them, because then they don't have to look at you after. And to the girls who think she did the right thing: I anticipate some jail time for you when you do this and the guy actually calls the cops on you. Assault. Lovely.
boatkicker 5
**** it all. this was supposed to be a reply
fuckinglifehard 0
kinkyyyyy.
bfcheer95 0
you deserve it
JS000 0
Press charges.
alexFYL 11
I think after two years she deserves a little better than being dumped on the phone. First couple months? Fine, we don't care much about you anyway. Two years? Ah, no. FYL but that is HILARIOUS.
Roberto22 0
Id love to say that its your own fault for what you did, but i cant. Im a guy, i know how that hurts. So sorry mate.
LucyStraw 0
YDI she probably forgot you needed them since you weren't man enough to do it face to face
kikiface 1
ydi. two years and you don't even have the decency to break up with her in person? she probably shot you there just to make sure you do, in fact, have balls.
Destiwana 0
YDI