Today, I was sitting at my desk eating cereal with my cat sleeping on my lap. I got a really funny text and I started laughing hysterically, and spilled my cereal all over my cat. I'll let you know how my legs, arms, neck and face heal up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was carrying a bowl of cereal to the couch when my cat ran between my feet. I somehow saved every drop of milk but launched the cereal across the room. My cat immediately ate the cereal off of the floor and then walked away looking like he had planned it. FML
Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML
Today, my cat threw up on the floor while I was taking a nap. I woke up, still groggy from the nap, and walked over to the bathroom. Not only did I slip on the vomit, spreading it all over the floor and myself, I think I somehow broke a toe in the process. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML
Today, I was going to be sick, so I ran to the bathroom. When I got there, I fainted, and fell back against the wall. When I came around, I immediately vomited all down my body, in my hair, and all over the floor. My cat judged me. FML
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
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Top comments
junkinmahcranium 0
Be gentle with cats. You piss em off, you suffer. It's a way of life.
umbilicalbiotch 0
Im sorry for your loss. Every bowl counts
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Comments (106)
junkinmahcranium 0
Be gentle with cats. You piss em off, you suffer. It's a way of life.
iKaite 0
Cats are bastards. If they could kick you out the house physically into the rain, lock the door, and still open tins of cat food by themselves, they would do it.
genius_man16 1
someone is bitter about cats. Jesus. They aren't that mean at all, just because you don't know how to take care of them doesn't mean they all suck. Cats + water = scratching. Simple as that, if you really don't know that then you don't deserve to own a cat. @OP: I'm really confused how laughing hysterically = knocking over your bowl of cereal, unless you meant just the little bit of cereal on your spoon, but then I don't get how it would be "all over" your cat.
whatacoolkid 0
well, today you learned a valuable lesson-that you are a FAIL!!!!
fudgerz 0
that's why dogs are better.. FYL
junkinmahcranium 0
@10 - Cats aren't bastards. Like 17 said, you just need to know how to take care of them. They LOVE getting rubbed and scratched just like dogs. I'm sure there are things you can do to dogs to piss 'em off. It's the same way with cats.
lolzforfun228 3
I perfer dogs because theyre usually more social.
KyRidHEART 0
Diddo.
changesinme 0
Domestic cats do possess traits from wild cats, can't expect much from them, if they could devour you, I'm sure they would
RedRose 0
Oh that's awful. I'm sorry about that. Cats can be so vicious.
MrCatman1125 2
How will he let us now how his cuts heal if he knows none of us?
that_band_nerd 22
THE INTERNET!
jojothehobo 0
Cats suck. Seriously.
swooshq 0
yeah catss suck
futtgoredo 0
paramore sucks. seriously.
Arcran5 0
76 should get back to the ******* subject, instead of ripping the piss out of a (awesome) band.
krazygirl100 9
i know they all hate me so i strangle them to death >:D jk :D
umbilicalbiotch 0
Im sorry for your loss. Every bowl counts
grungecat 0
Kitty ;-;
nemonaki 0
Agreed! I've never seen people nitpick more than on this website. Anyway, this FML made me laugh really hard just imagining it. Hope you heal well.
xoxkarinexox 0
Awww I'm sorry :( feel better (:
princess09 3
wow that sucks... next time eat a cereal bar instead :)
MukyDaCookie 0
I guess kitty isn't kukoo for cocoa puffs
lesp 6
Just another reason cats are evil. If you did that to a dog it would love you forever for making it rain food.
sevenoh 0
bahaha, excellent and totally true I hate cats
mizzy1 0
Me too! Dogs r the best way better then cats!
Noelletakumi 36
Really? Do we need to comment more completely biased opinions? One is not "better" than the other. They're both animals with the same amount of tendencies. The cat is scratching in defense, it's INSTINCT. Let's leave it at that.
TysonFawlay 0
I'm sorry, but when I try to picture is all I get is someone with downs flailing. Unless you've got some muscular disease or are just plain retarded, how did this happen? Beats me. YDI
New_York_fml 0
Agreed. My cat is De-clawed
paperfox_fml 0
Please do some googling on declawing. It's a cruel operation that should never be performed. If you doubt how unkind it is, you should know that several European countries deem it to cause so much unnecessary suffering that it has been outlawed.
crzymonkeyxo 0
Yeah i know, cats cannot defend themselves after it either they have to be forced to stay in the house under all circumstances, idk bout your cats but mine love to climb things, with out claws they can't climb at all