Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe I'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML
Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML
Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Once we were cool, we decided to have makeup sex. I tried to change position so we could 69, but I then accidently kicked him in the head. He thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
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Top comments
Jae_Hellyun 17
Next time he goes to kiss you offer a handshake...
Steve95401 49
Bite his lips next time so that they will be both bruised and swollen.
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Comments (85)
Ashwathi 21
You should say he got a lip hickey.
iLike2Teabag 27
Or botched lip injection like Farrah Abraham.
Ashwathi 21
Or Kylie Jenner
JKPwnage 27
#LipHickey
xninix_fml 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
@42 This isn't twitter or instagram please refrain from using hashtags in the future thanks.
littleteapot 21
#50 #rebel #idowhatiwant
Skinyrd 17
First comment bitches
Patriots21 14
Not only were you not, but what a ******* useless comment.
Jae_Hellyun 17
*Second
KrazyKatz3 26
He was the third....
igive 29
Quick! Everyone pelt him with legos!
Jae_Hellyun 17
Next time he goes to kiss you offer a handshake...
Patriots21 14
Technically you were tongue punching him.
japtap81 16
Next time she should tongue punch his fart box lol
Rinat_fml 26
75, it's a HE.
incoherentrmblr 22
Yes, cause a guy wants his salad tossed regularly...
Jasim 17
Maybe you should actually hit him. I'm kidding but he's a jerk.
Steve95401 49
Bite his lips next time so that they will be both bruised and swollen.
axfabxdisaster 25
Allow him to give you a hickey somewhere and then when he says you hit him tell them he punched you and that you got a bruise there
Nilorak 24
What a great idea!
Ethan_Anonymous 28
Yes because spouse abuse is hilarious
garrett_8614 14
The boyfriend obviously thinks it is
1800SUCKMYASS 4
As much as we hate to admit it, we don't realise abuse would really come from the female side if the relationship making it less of a worry, but when you say it was the man it becomes more believable and more people get worried so I really don't think that would be a good idea
1800SUCKMYASS 4
K after reading the fml how the **** can you delete a comment?
Surge_Heart 12
While I hate this, there is a difference in how people respond to male on female vs female on male violence. The first would most likely be met with her friends verbally or physically assaulting the male while the latter would be met with laughter and taunting.
NoMapToBuy 14
There is a big difference, people do think it's funny and absolutely hilarious when a guy gets beaten by their girlfriend which is good in this case but crap in others. If she were to joke that he hit her however that could actually ruin his life
Gorebabee17 10
Damn. Lol
Joshery 14
At least it's not the other way around
iAmPaul 49
OP is male, so your implied double standard isn't valid.
Joshery 14
Yes I know OP is male, what I was saying is that at least OP's lips aren't in pain and bruised so my so called "double standard" never existed
iAmPaul 49
46 - That makes no sense whatsoever.
musoboy 22
Yeah, 14/46 needs to learn some communication skills. this is incredibly frustrating.
False_Stupidity 42
Threaten him with a fat lip next time he pulls that stunt. Make sure there are witnesses.