Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML
Today, I was helping my boyfriend in the garden. When I wanted to break a piece of wood, I lost my balance. Head first against a stone. Result: five stitches in my upper lip, and a loose tooth. FML
Today, I woke up early for work, then yanked my phone by the charger cord on my nightstand to look at it. I gravely underestimated the force by which I pulled the charger and the whiplash of my phone popped me square in the nose. Hard. I have a bruise now. I hope people don't think my boyfriend is a domestic abuser. FML
Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML
Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to kiss me as we were walking home. It was very icy and he slipped. His teeth went through my lip. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
Into self harm? Theres an app for that.
farmgirl 3
Apparently you never learned the difference between sexy and slutty.
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Comments (120)
Jimboom 12
Into self harm? Theres an app for that.
chedgefa 0
Lol!
Boddmon 0
lol!
alkos 0
win
judge_Fred 0
LOL! Very nice!
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
It looks like you became the winrar of the lightning round for an epic first reply! Please choose your prize from the following list: 1) A beluga whale covered in seaweed (careful - they spit) 2) A beautiful China set... of families. OR you can pick what's behind the stripper-shaped drop cloth item. Choose wisely!
crazytoaster 2
iPhones: Your an idiot and you're not fooling anybody.
mycool101 0
win :)
HeresReality 0
#1 definately one of the top 5 favorite responses to an fml I've seen
unique_freak 17
So awesome
loveconverse 0
very smooth
brandothemando 0
lol you MIGHT give perdix a run for his money but that's impossible....
xelectrickiss 0
that made me giggle insanely. huge epic win.
kukitheaf 0
ur pic is an epic win. im drooling. sry
whataloadofbull 0
#24's comment is even more epic... not. Srsly, you gotta stop with the retarded comments pretending like you're an announcer for some Spin the Wheel show. It's not even remotely funny.
Bertha5 0
#1ahhhaa!
ReyEr9412 0
ALL HAIL NUMBER ONE
MehrunesDagon456 20
You broke the chain by only getting -4, while 3 people before you had -9.
Twi_lover_EC 6
OMG. LMAO!
Boddmon 0
Sorry I have to be the one to do this but I get irritated every time I read over it over. While waiting in THE room
Sirin_fml 47
Fixed...
Boddmon 0
Awesome. Thanks! lol
ianformean 0
Erm, it's called a "waiting room" http://www.thefreedictionary.com/waiting+room you're getting irritated over something you're wrong about. FYL
me199 0
Why does everyone have to correct everything. it isnt school here. plus the way she said it makes more sense.
Boddmon 0
@ianformean Thanks jackass but I was correcting the fact that the FML said "while waiting in room.." Perhaps if you had read the entire thread, you would have realized that Sirin had corrected it which is why i said thanks.
peasonearth 8
I'm confused on what your "fixing" it's called a waiting room, not that she was waiting in the room and ****** up the grammar
farmgirl 3
Apparently you never learned the difference between sexy and slutty.
PhillyFox 0
This^ And it's beyond me why you'd flash someone in a public place. Not everyone wants to see that.
BeeSkwaird 0
OP, you are the breast girlfriend EVER.
fireandice27 0
Ahahaha yes THIS.
johndoe20 0
this guy should never let go of this chick!
_strawberry99 0
i said that same thing, that what you get for being a slutt.
Spyingcheeseman 8
How is showing your Boyfriend a part of your body slutty? if there was no one around, who cares. and also. who cares of there is someone around. I don't understand why people are freaked out about other peoples bodies. as if they've never seen a penis/boobs/******/ass. your born naked and most of the time you grow up naked... People can see animal penis, or boobs, or asses with out flinching or freaking out. but nooooo if we see the body of our own species its suddenly the most horrifying thing ever. I'm not saying everyone should walk around naked. but god damn If you see someone's "inappropriate" body parts that everyone has seen/has.. don't freak out .. Rant over. Good day sir/madam
Sage1314 4
It sounds as though you're trying to speak English but haven't quite mastered it.. "I was waiting in room, with iPhone, boyfriend" - doesn't really make much sense. I weep tears of vodka for you.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
"Mmm. Your tears are so yummy and sweet. Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness. Mmm-yummy, you guys."
angeluv_2014 22
What the heck are you talking about, 7?
CallMeHush 1
Even though the execution got a little screwed up I'll give you extra points for the effort. Who doesn't enjoy a little flash every now and then?
thunder69 0
thts wat u get for being a *****
BeeSkwaird 0
OP seriously is a fantastic girlfriend. She gets it. Ladies, pay attention. We guys are very simple, and easy to please.
CallMeHush 1
Bee gets it!!!
The_Great_Zucchi 15
Hoodie? Sexy? I learn something new everyday here...
upthedownslide 0
good call (Y)
WhoopteDo 26
Are you kidding me? A girl in a hoodie that is a bit too big for them and just panties snuggling up on the couch and watching a movie.. it doesn't get better than that.
Chillz 0
Pictures (of your juggs) or it didn't happen!
polico_wolf 0
you fail. Its "pics or it didnt happen" failure
Aha09 1
Alrighty: http://www.bellacor.com/productDetail/489498.htm?partID=bizrate-Decorative-Accessories-489498 Hehehehe.
Shmeaty 0
I have an iPhone, and I'm better than you solely because I have it.
jktadych 0
******* intense you bimbo