Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe I'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML
Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML
Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Once we were cool, we decided to have makeup sex. I tried to change position so we could 69, but I then accidently kicked him in the head. He thinks I did it on purpose. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
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Top comments
Jae_Hellyun 17
Next time he goes to kiss you offer a handshake...
Steve95401 49
Bite his lips next time so that they will be both bruised and swollen.
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Comments (85)
wazzup206 7
When people ask you what happen tell them he was trying to give himself a ******* and it went terribly wrong
fml_three13 4
So I'm not the only one prone to lip hickys!?
homesuckfucker 28
Domestic abuse isn't funny. Refuse to kiss him again until he agrees to stop acting that way.
acommonman 23
how can he be proud to have been "hit" by his girlfriend?
ekim300 26
Boyfriend*
iAmPaul 49
OP is male. Please notice the whole FML before commenting.
homesuckfucker 28
As mentioned above, OP is male. You also need to consider the fact that domestic abuse is valid and terrible regardless of gender.
Clevelandians 17
It's possible a female posted this and didn't pay attention to the gender
Nilorak 24
Or they are male, and didn't click the wrong gender?
ekim300 26
Why is it so hard to accept there were two guys making out?
AhmadTarhini 8
Tell them it's self defense, he'll have to change his story
iAmPaul 49
Too many comments that imply OP is female, when it clearly says that he's male. Read the whole FML's information, people.
lulinator 40
There are only about two comments that imply OP is female. So far.
iAmPaul 49
28 - Actually there are many more that imply it in a more subtle way: 11, (14 & 21 obviously), 23, 40 (so far).
syed121417 22
Besides 21, none of these comments ever say a gender based word(girlfriend, girl, etc). So really 28 was right. You can't really assume somebody is thinking OP is a girl unless they flat out say it a gender bass word/pronoun.
iAmPaul 49
59 - Actually I can, deducing from the context in which they're writing the style of their comments.
captainsmegma 12
Smack him. Then he'll be telling the truth.
RobinGoodfellow 47
What an arse. Threaten an end to all physical contact until he stops.
PenguinBitch 44
Heavy make-out session? Great scott! Why are things so heavy in the future?!
BlindlyWandering 17
Is there a problem with the earths gravitational pull?
limabeans101029 21
I don't think it's necessarily a double standard, it's more of an assumption that everyone is straight. Which is very annoying, but not a double standard.