Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML
Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML
Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML
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Top comments
waswashere 0
Damn I knew I misplaced my ferret
Blacksxe 1
Well if you don't want those cards... I umm have a friend who would love them...
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Comments (117)
waswashere 0
Damn I knew I misplaced my ferret
queen_awks 16
Don't lie. We all know it's actually the fetish **** playing cards that you misplaced.
ninjaboy18 6
Damn you got some weird people working with you.
SkoomaKi 28
You could **********, play cards, shoot a gun and eat dead pheasant....I don't see the problem?
asoptavlo14 6
Sounds like this business caters to hunters..
Clozzie 0
I knew someone stole my porno cards!
Damn_Hippster 11
I'll dispose of those playing cards for you OP.
The_Troller 14
25- You do realize the "I'm with stupid" in your picture points to your commen/name. On the mobile app, at least.
Llamacod 11
On my mobile app it points to the comment with the name above the hand/finger
ohxdamnxkay02 12
#45 if that's the case.. McDonalds should be out of business..
grmnxsensati0n 4
where can u get some of those cards?
528Alice491 3
Spencer's.
immaMonsta 8
Take it or leave it.
princev4 3
This reminds me of when I tried to have all of the ferrets west of the Rivva Delaware exterminated due to their mind wars with my daughter's toads. Apparently my task has failed.
karkid619 8
The take it part doesn't relate to the FML. OP's not being asked anything.
smr167 6
114 - take it or leave it refers to the job, not the stuffed ferret, dumbass.
ChuckNorrisBeard 0
Be thankful for what you get! They are being considerate. (;
coldashell 23
Why those items? Live ammo in the workplace seems a tad shady to me.
j_cat187 20
The guy obviously hunts pheasant.
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
While playing with fetish **** playing cards? Seems legit..
toenibbler 14
No OP, you need new colleagues
immaMonsta 8
A weird one.
moneybagz131 6
¡Yummy yur goina haz eh guuuuuud brekfest!
j_cat187 20
Adult industry?
Blacksxe 1
Well if you don't want those cards... I umm have a friend who would love them...
disturbed678 10
OP: "Do you have the BDSM of spades?" Friend: "Go fish"
stevenJB 25
What about the BBW of hearts?
taytoc 10
If u don't want ur job I'll take it. It's better then working in a cubicle....
Andr913 13
This job sounds like fun, to be honest.
dropdeadluverrr 9
Taytoc ur hot can I have your number?
dropdeadluverrr 9
What the hell