Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML
Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML
Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
waswashere 0
Damn I knew I misplaced my ferret
Blacksxe 1
Well if you don't want those cards... I umm have a friend who would love them...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (117)
mattorama 15
Live ammo? I could use some .45 or .223, if you have it.
bmg0014 3
Hey you can't go wrong with some free ammo just saying
j_cat187 20
I'm guessing you found some 12 gauge skeet shot.
enopola 5
Real cool
squarecircles 13
What kind of job is that? eBay?
geod69 8
Sounds like fun
_Oblivion_ 12
Yeah uh no. I don't live in the uk but you don't have to be too smart to know that anything illegal to possess is illegal to use also. Certain ammunition is illegal because it's illegal to fire them. I'm not sure if it's because of velocities or weights or what; but in the us (new jersey) you can be penalized for carrying hollow points other than to and from a range. ( http://www.njsp.org/about/fire_hollow.html for all you gun nazi people) The shells aren't illegal (as I know of) because they are completely harmless. And besides there is another way of unloading bullets in a legal way. It's called a bullet puller, look it up.
JustDerpin 11
That sounds pretty fun.
BAxSoulCity 1
I want porno cards
Rabidkid 14
Bullets are not cheap, that's a good tip