Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML
Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML
Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML
Today, I found out that the horrible stench haunting my apartment for the past week was the decomposing corpse of my freedom loving gerbil underneath the bed that I've been sleeping on. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML
Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML
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Top comments
waswashere 0
Damn I knew I misplaced my ferret
Blacksxe 1
Well if you don't want those cards... I umm have a friend who would love them...
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Comments (117)
niswisk 3
I WANT UR JOB!!!!!
micahsmommy 13
Don't forget a good scratch behind the ears. :)
rattusrattus 19
Please tell me they are the insane-looking type of taxidermied animales. Those things are the greatest. I am also willing to take the playing cards (I like weird playing cards, the fetish stuff is just a bonus) and live ammunition (no comment) off your hands.
Incredible_92 11
You'll get arrested for being in possession of live ammo in the UK dude! Fire that shit before the police show up, I think discharged rounds are ok.. Haha, discharged.
flapdoodle 2
Free interior decorating!
OfficeNinja 5
Nobody ever leaves porno playing cards on my desk! They just leave work. Want to trade jobs?
AkshaySauce 5
We just got an industrial size bucket of lube. Would you like that too?
weatherxveins 29
Does this bucket have a pour spout?
th3hardrocker 12
One mans trash is another mans treasure dude, find your gold in there.
Fishfanatic 7
If you would be so kind as to bury all dead things and when decomposed, post their bones to me I would be most grateful ( not kidding btw, I make jewellery out of that sort of thing ) any taxidermies would also be extremely welcome as I collect those also. You can keep the **** cards though I don't want those >.<
ProhibitionRose 14
That's a bit creepy...
ThisBeAUsername 6
...The ****?
panda_bear0618 1
sexy...
cindywashere 5
hey they're trying to make your job fun (somewhat) play along and do the same to them! start an epic prank battle, that sounds like something to look forward to ?
gracehi 33
At least it wasn't a live ferret! Still FYL, OP. Have you talked to tue superiors about this? What your coworkers are doing to you is harassment and you shouldn't have to endure it.
Shelta957 13
I'm pretty sure it's just a joke, and his/her friends mean no harm
gracehi 33
Sorry, but when rotting carcasses are involved, it's no longer a harmless joke. It's extremely unsanitary. Who knows what diseases that dead pheasant could have gestating inside it. I doubt you'd think it was funny if it was left among YOUR belongings.