Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML
Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML
Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML
Today, I was driving my best friend home when he admitted to being gay. I was glad he could trust me with a secret like this. Until he admitted to having sex with my boyfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Aldrasio 0
Sounds like he was trying for a pity ****.
rockandrollbf 0
Oh, that sucks. One of my ex-boyfriends 'confessed' the same thing to me, but it was about watching ****. Once. ._____.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (135)
bioclock 0
For all of you saying that this girl is a bitch - Note that this is a NEW boyfriend. If I'd just started going out with someone, and he gave me a detailed, two hour lecture on how he is addicted to masturbation, I would be incredibly uncomfortable. Really serious conversations and confessions like that should be saved for when the relationship has become a bit more intimate, or after you've been going out for a while. And for two hours? Holy crap. I mean, I've had confessions from boyfriends before, and I'm okay with them talking about sexually explicit stuff, but after two hours I would feel so awkward. Don't be so quick to judge.
eggjuggler 0
I see where you're coming from, but I still don't think this is an FML... More like a bit of a TMI.
knitbitch 0
I laughed so hard at this I peed my pants a little. I feel bad for you, but telling everyone who reads FML is kind of...bitchy. Hope fully "Linren" is anonymous, or her boyfriend does not read this site.
mikemanray 0
Maybe if you were better in bed he wouldn't have that problem! OOOOO FYL again!
ejvlols 0
Masturbating is natural. If your boyfriend trusts that you will understand his addicting then that means that he cares and likes you.
BamxBitch 0
Hahhaahahahaa @ #23. But, yeah, I hope you gave him some road head after that. Poor guy.
Freak_Feet 0
If he's your boyfriend, you should care about him enough for this not to be considered a FML. Show a little compassion.
SPQR_fml 0
Sounds like you're not mature enough to be dating just yet. Hope he finds a better girl and soon.
forthelulz_fml 0
Wow, he sounds like every male human being in the world. Congrats on this mind blowing revelation. For the record, I just jerked it twice while reading your FML. Addiction? Nah
kwbuzz23wk 0
#28 "For the record, I just jerked it twice while reading your FML. Addiction? Nah" premature? Yeah
hpnerd 0
there's a difference between healthy, regular masturbation and an addiction to it. starting off the new relationship by saying she won't be able to satisfy him because he's addicted to his hand sucks for her. poor OP.