Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML
Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML
Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML
Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago, a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill, causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML
Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML
Today, I made a cup of tea at work. Whilst talking to a workmate, I took a sip of the tea, which I had forgotten was boiling hot, and laughed at the same time, causing it to come out of my nose. I have blistered my whole mouth and even burnt my nostrils. FML
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
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Top comments
Pommy_fml 0
don't be a baby. cut his junk and yell 200 points!
slowlybreakingme 14
wow. that's ****** man!
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Comments (132)
slowlybreakingme 14
wow. that's ****** man!
sublime93 0
Oh god, cue all the comments complaining about "learnt".
DLBL 23
I shan't judge the person whose hands were burnt whilst at work.
DGross 8
Wow... that really sucks...what did you do to provoke them? If they just don't like you then it's def an FYI
woofis 0
um... i'd be on my guard, op, before they do something more... permanent...
Killah_Jay 0
Just wait til Snickers reads this...
marleytooyou 0
hahahahahahahah loser much
Felendris 0
rofl, that sucks epic-ly >_>
ReyEr9412 0
It's 1000 points if the chef accidentally cuts of the OPs dick with a meat cleaver.
UberFail79 0
OP, just so you know, I'm very competitive. Ask your friends how many points a 9mm to the shoulder is.
Blue_Coconuts 7
Screw 9MM, go for a .45 in the shin. Bonus points if he's unable to walk for six months to a year right??
theian01 3
Milimeters are two lower case m's. Capital m's are meters... (/asshole)
hisbaby75 0
LOL! I was thinking the samething!!
dumbbitchhater2 0
1. I woulda castrated that guy with a spoon if I found he did that on purpose 2. you probably provoked it in some way so it's probably your fault anyways
metalhead256 0
redrum redrum.........
sillypants2016 1
you should get the people fired
SanadB 0
that game sounds sooo ffuunnn!
Ms_Jessie22 8
Methinks it's time to have a meeting with Toby from HR..
jasoniskiing 0
that's horrible. no one deserves to be treated like that.
_swimcutie_ 0
ur hott:) lol
_swimcutie_ 0
#8 is hott.. lol my bad. I tried to post it under his comment:D
Terwilliger 0
@8: 'learnt' is the right way in Australia, and no doubt in the UK too. In fact, it's probably just the US that says 'learned'
Lightslei 0
I live in the US and spell it learnt so what does that make me? :S. Other then someone that's read way too many books by foreign authors?
cam007_fml 0
OP must be from the South.
bobby3130 0
164 is a mod2 playing dbag
gregsdaman 0
maybe it's bc u say shit like learnt?
jollykilla704 0
I smell a lawsuit?
Austino713 0
who said he deserved it youre such idiots!!!
OBCD_fml 0
@140 Office reference right???
carolinacrown 0
Learnt. You dumbass. :|
ButtNekked 0
How about we just blow his ******* limbs off and with dynamite?
deys250 0
ha
LukeDog 0
win
UberFail79 0
You guys are right. This one calls for the .357 SIG. Or 12-gauge.
KibaSama 0
yea its really f'ed up
katiegurl19512 10
agreed :)
Peacemaker9 7
dude let me play too!!!!!!!! lol jking u got my sympathy 100% op **** ur co-workers
rwac07 0
chop his dick off and yell 90 points!
kayztastic 0
-favorites- this made me lol (:
Slolo420 0
forget it
My2864 1
your gay for thinking about shooting someone with a 9mm SERIOUSLY
tweetbaby14 18
lol that sounds fun. so if I hit you with a car is that 100 or 99 points
Biohazard41 0
^^win XD
Twi_lover_EC 6
#2 win!!!!!!!
popoman 0
Depends on the speed. One point per mph. Multiplier depending on which body part you hit first (e.g. butt first x3, arm x1, legs x2, back x2, head x5).
LTMcleod 0
retarded, that dosent mean they made a game. I say that all the time when I witness people injuring themselves.
Theblue_fml 0
That's really retarded. Who would actually say something like "50 POINTS!" every single time ou se someone get hurt?
crailboyne 0
yeah so @161 if some person like cut their hand off us be like "69 pointssss!"? ur pretty mean.
Pommy_fml 0
don't be a baby. cut his junk and yell 200 points!
Sun_Kissed18 25
Oww... don't you think that would be more like instant win? Though I'm not a guy but I'd think it would be worth a little more than 200 points. Especially if you can play it off as an "accident" like they are trying to do.
substitutes 0
Sounds like a fun game
johnnyexpl0sion 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
they probably dont like you because you say "learnt" instead of "learned".
silverskin 1
Learnt is just as appropriate in the U.K. So is burnt instead of burned.
DLBL 23
I shan't argue whilst you are correct.
Shokz992 0
And you're a ******* moronic ignorant American.
Monikabug 9
And your a ******* moronic ignorant bigot. :)
Monikabug 9
^ yeah, it was intentional. Haha
onnielief 4
^^this
xXSc3n1cXx 0
^^this FTW BIGOTS!!!
gagneana000 5
^^this continue the chain of ^^this
darkhorse115 0
IS SPARTA!!!
BigPickles 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
learnt? your a moron.you deserve it.
doink 0
lol...
FYLDeep 26
you're* a moron. Lol I had to go all snickerdoodles on you. Speaking of which, the OP must get more hate than snickerdoodles for this to happen.
FYLDeep 26
You lost the game.
sourgirl101 29
Thank you Pendatic for pointing out Bigpickle's mistake. Glass houses people! Educate yourselves before you try to educate others. I understand mistakes happen but do your research first. I hope you LEARNT something.
FYLDeep 26
Correction, I pointed out the mistake.
sourgirl101 29
FYLdeep, you're correct. It was also the your/you're. I will give you extra credit. I didn't mean to make you feel lefted out.
sourgirl101 29
Learn to read all comments.
SmellDaPurp 0
i like the teamwork pen
sourgirl101 29
Left not lefted. Someone shoot me for my errors.
Monikabug 9
Let me get my water gun! :)
blastvortex 4
Why don't you "accidentally" kick him in the crotch?
GirlWithAnItouch 0
^^ win.
tylemire360 0
haha
babybubz 0
you're probably super annoying..
johobus28 26
You're definitely really annoying
iltby 3
You need to be reporting that to someone...
frickyourlives 0
Learnt is the British English spelling. OP is from Britain. Ergo learnt is correct.
theswag 0
golf clap to you for knowing the difference.
frickyourlives 0
Golf clap to you for being lame enough to use the idea of 'golf clap'.
Fminetoo 0
Gay golf clap to you for not calling it a Tiger Woods clap. : P
frickyourlives 0
Tiger woods clap is something else entirely, trust me, you don't want that.
Frosc 0
#78 win
sugarbabyxoxo 2
lmao I'm so pissed 78 stole my joke lol! damn you!!! hahhaha
silverskin 1
#5, if you're going to call someone a moron, do it properly. Makes you look worse. The worst part is that learnt is an appropriate spelling.