Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband is so bored with speaking to me, he literally walked outside when I was mid-sentence during a conversation about how I need more attention in our relationship. We've only been married 3 months. FML
Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML
Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML
Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML
Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML
Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML
Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted to tell me how much he loves me. He said a lot of wonderful things, such as not being able to live without me and hoping that I would want to live with him and marry him someday. He ended his loving speech with his ex-girlfriend's name instead of mine. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I was the only girl he'd ever text, call, or flirt with again. Later on he told two other girls exactly the same thing on Facebook, not realizing that everybody can read wall messages. FML
Today, it's been a few weeks now since I started dating a boy. A whole fairy tale relationship. He would write me poems and all that garbage. Today, we sat by a bonfire, and he randomly mentioned his three other girlfriends, and how I should accept them due to his family traditionally having cheating husbands. FML
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Top comments
LiveLaughFML 10
#9 "at first, i was curious as to whether or not i should accept his friend invite at first. afterall, i didn't know him in person. but once i saw 10 Mutual Friends, he stole my heart."
agaba 0
Time to dump his ass
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Comments (85)
agaba 0
Time to dump his ass
alpaquette91 9
In 20 years kids will ask their mothers "how did you meet daddy", and the response will be.... It all started when your father added me on Facebook!
BBGxBlondie 6
Poke him. That ought'a teach him.
LiveLaughFML 10
#9 "at first, i was curious as to whether or not i should accept his friend invite at first. afterall, i didn't know him in person. but once i saw 10 Mutual Friends, he stole my heart."
Iamnotmyself 17
Spam him with random events, tell him he has to go. That'll learn him
HowAreYouToday 34
Learn him? Is he a subject now? -_- I'm no grammar Nazi, but that's pathetic.
IndiRae 9
24- Get your head out if your ass. There's nothing wrong with saying 'that'll learn him'
birdfreak 24
Actually divorce his ass because they're married...
LiveLaughFML 10
the only thing #20 needs to "learn" is to keep his junk in his trunk!
bfsd42 20
33. 'Learn him' is terrible grammar. You teach someone so they can learn. I could teach you some basic English so maybe you can learn the language.
IndiRae 9
58- Alright dude. We could go back and forth all day. Where I live there's absolutely been nothing wrong with it, and thanks, but clearly I know English.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
'That'll learn em' is an expression or colloquialism commonly used in North America. It is not incorrect in casual conversation.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
And apparently in Ireland as well, my bad. Wherever it's used, it is obviously correct. FML has far too many grammar nazis. Casual language is fluid and alive, it should not be rigid and tasteless. We're not writing a ******* English paper here.
Iamnotmyself 17
Holy balls does no one get the joke? Maybe they should get some sense of humor... That'll learn e'm.
je_suis_fml 11
seriously, 24?
FurryPride 9
Ugh facebook, I hate facebook, it has always sucked it shall always suck.
SirObvious 1
Is it because you use vent?
12dcevin 5
WHY EVERYBODY SO MAD?!?!?!
FurryPride 9
Vent isn't a good social service either.
Ashelizabethh 8
number 114 has the best response ever (:
pepsilove_fml 4
it's time to declare ur single on facebook! once it's on facebook, it's all official :))
SpeechQween94 14
I've heard plenty of Irishmen say "learned" in that form. It's very common and totally correct.
brokemysoul 0
Divorce him on Facebook and then change your status to single :) that will teach him a lesson!
Iheartfunny 1
20 and 94 lol
LiveLaughFML 10
you're the child of a cool cat. consider yourself accepted.
LiveLaughFML 10
what? this was meant to be posted on the OTHER FML! sorry bout that guys :( this App is really confusing at times...
elk21dbm 18
Awe. That's still sweet though
EmyB_fml 8
No it isn't. He's a jerk - dump him op
Yodaevil 4
He's making a point, op more than likely is not innocent here. or he's taking the first step after a bad argument.
benbenius 10
He's just trying to look good in front of her family.
Elisabetha Aarron 18
How is it sweet post on social media to look goos in front of others but to ignore them in real life?
bbmanrock 3
second and that sucks
highlandrabbit 1
haha humans and their technology
Volke 4
I agree, this is just one more example of how Facebook screws with peoples lives.
HowAreYouToday 34
Heh heh I use the term "humans" as well. But that's because I'm a homunculus. Haha
Iamnotmyself 17
-27 You're a gay alien?
flockz 20
40- are u wanting to get probed?
Iamnotmyself 17
-46, Flockz, you know you don't want me horny, you wont like me when I'm horny.
tylersign 11
^ I think I love this conversation. And your picture. "GTFO bitch, I'm doing science" xD
Iamnotmyself 17
STFU TYLERSIGN I'M DOING SCIENCE
sxe_beast 11
@16- Its not Facebook's fault that people have no self control. Like most things Facebook is okay in moderation. Its an extremely helpful tool ^_^
eminemchick 19
40- at least he isnt a gay fish D:
Iamnotmyself 17
-79 I take that extremely offensive as I am a bisexual. DIE, bitch, DIE
RebeccaBree 0
and what r u an app
ThreeSheetsGone 12
It's easier to make stuff up on the internet.
NomOnShroomz 14
He's not making it up, he's copy/pasting it from google.
ThreeSheetsGone 12
In that case, it's easier to plagiarize someone else's made up story, posting it on Facebook so everyone thinks you have a healthy marriage, eating a doughnut, and watching ****, which brings me to conclude that, while women can fake orgasms, men can fake love.
TN9R 1
well theres a reason why hes not talking to you, maybe you got your tongue peirced lately and sound annoying.
IndiRae 9
Failed attempt at a previous FML reference.
TN9R 1
failed attempt at being funny.
IndiRae 9
Wasn't being funny. Just pointing something out.
TN9R 1
thank you captain obvious. its not supposed to be the same as the other fml.
Brool_Story_Co 17
If it's not a reference to another FML, then it's just another stupid, boring comment
TN9R 1
i didnt know pixels could be stupid. thanks for letting me know that though, i have. a dead pixel on my screen. ill call him sleepy.
Brool_Story_Co 17
Is that really the best you can do? I didn't think you were that stupid.
TN9R 1
i can do way worse, but your insults are stupid and i still dont care. maybe if you try a little harder ill give you a good faith effort. i want to see how many thumbs down this comment gets too, cuz i care hahaha.
Yodaevil 4
Tongue piercing? Only sound that makes is slobbering and gaging noises...
IndiRae 9
71- Tounge piercing. Not ********.
TN9R 1
agree 75. i didnt know a tongue peircing could gag you. @71
chickenwalrus 14
sounds like a solid relationship.
lovelyalyssssssa 0
Awh :(
krysxkatastrophe 14
Go to couples therapy? Or try to start a conversation with him, if he doesn't respond just keep talking. Silent treatment is a reward.