Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML
Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, we saw a woman with two out-of-control children. As we walked away, my husband said to me, “Disgusting, I’m glad we’re never having children.” News to me, he'd always said he wanted a kid before we married. An uncomfortable conversation is imminent, damn it. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Apparently you forgot to include God in your "one night stand"
FFML_314 12
Yes, let's irresponsibly have sex with strange women, give them a false number and bring countless bastard children into the world. Grow up. Women don't find that attractive. Slime balls.
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Comments (342)
poemqueen 15
i don't care if it was a one night stand or not your going to man up. face the challenge of being a father. and DON'T YOU EVER tell that child that you didn't want them or that they are a result of a one night stand. Trust me it's for the better if you do it that way. Btw your flippin stupid for having one night stands grow up. get a real relationship there's more to life then sex you know
KaitlynxD 5
Oh, the Irony.
woahthatguy 0
this is priceless! I laughing so hard
Veegulkz 6
that's what you get for talking shit about kids. you act like YOU were never a kid before so stfu!
Anaxes 5
A pair of children ride their really loud shitty mini car outside their house every bloody damn day. I never had any shitty vehicles that pissed everyone off in a 4 house radius when I was a child so your argument is invalid, fool. I admit this does help me concentrate on devising a way to kill them and destroy this little plastic monstrosity however.
89Kele 0
Congrats dude.
lindseytaylor201 0
u spoke a little too soon buddy.
purplemnm 9
be careful about what you say, God likes to **** with us for his own amusement.
smarties25 0
CONGRATS , LOOOL next time try to use some protection,
ucofresh 4
Zem, you're an idiot. Plain and simple.
Epic222662 0
Are you joking? Just tell her to get an abortion, or falcon punch ;D You act like it's serious, calm the hell down and deal with it. Also #242, 'God' isn't real and all 270 religions are liez , so keep religious bullshit out of FML
5t3ff1k4h 47
To be fair, you don't know that 'God' isn't real, nor do you know that 'God' is real. Respect others' beliefs. I don't believe in 'God' either, but I can at least respect that others do. Also, abortion is not always the answer.
mackieflann 3
use a condom next time