Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML
Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, we saw a woman with two out-of-control children. As we walked away, my husband said to me, “Disgusting, I’m glad we’re never having children.” News to me, he'd always said he wanted a kid before we married. An uncomfortable conversation is imminent, damn it. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Apparently you forgot to include God in your "one night stand"
FFML_314 12
Yes, let's irresponsibly have sex with strange women, give them a false number and bring countless bastard children into the world. Grow up. Women don't find that attractive. Slime balls.
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Comments (342)
Diamondflamer 0
that'll teach you not to wear a condom. best get yourself an std test too, its not just parenthood that can be caught from not wearing a rubber.
tnglator 4
gotta strap up...
hazelkee 0
you deserve it for having sex without marriage. your babys mom is a ****. nice
azrules 0
it's called a condum
5t3ff1k4h 47
You're 'dum' for not knowing how to spell 'condom'.
moo2413 0
Damnn that's sucks for you
ieatzombies 2
that's funny but who cares if u had a one night stand some times you just need to hit it and quit it not everyone is made out to have kids.
Shelita 0
wow next time use protection dumbass and stop having random sex with people before u get a disease...
mrs_moses 0
who said he didn't wear a condom maybe he did nd qot tha wrong size and it came off
5t3ff1k4h 47
Type the letter G, dammit. It's easier to type than a Q...
shibby83 0
Agreed.
blahblahduncare 0
Irony at it's best. and if you hate something, know it's gonna end up in your family. (: