Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML
Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, we saw a woman with two out-of-control children. As we walked away, my husband said to me, “Disgusting, I’m glad we’re never having children.” News to me, he'd always said he wanted a kid before we married. An uncomfortable conversation is imminent, damn it. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Apparently you forgot to include God in your "one night stand"
FFML_314 12
Yes, let's irresponsibly have sex with strange women, give them a false number and bring countless bastard children into the world. Grow up. Women don't find that attractive. Slime balls.
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Comments (342)
pandap_fml 0
ooooh burn!
SkullCanddi 0
Poor Girl! Cmon, Man! Dont Be Silly, Wrap That Willy!
boopityboppity 11
Yes, it's not the girl's fault at all. Or Rather, At All.
TropicalTulipz 0
ass
ocrisia137 0
What is wrong with everyone? You think it would be better for that child to not know their father? You should have used a condom, or at the very least made sure she was on some kind of birth control! You guys are disgusting saying he shouldn't have given her his number!
Cinn_fml 23
For all you know, the OP did, and it might have failed. We don't know if he did or didn't because he didn't tell us.
Lehk 9
she can always have an abortion. they are legal in the US
Cinn_fml 23
Yes, she can have one, however it is a serious decision and shouldn't be an option considered lightly. It's not something that should be viewed as an alternative birth control. It's more of a last resort, imo anyway.
SLKBlack96 5
your own dumbass fault
poptartsznpornos_fml 0
dead !
demarcusT 0
a fake number worked for me
sricious 0
perhaps she has your number because you knew her before the one night stand? You should have used enough protection:)..
cuddlekitty66 0
Haha. You deserve it for even having one. At least be in a commuted relationship when you have sex =/ Douches.
hilarym 0
that sucks. but why would you answer your phone at work? that's just rude.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Could have been on a break...
xNephilim 19
Some place also allow you to use your phone while on the clock. My first job, while not being pro-phone, didn't exactly prohibit the use of cell phones. As long as it doesn't affect your work performance, phones were ok.