Anonymous
Europe
Do not want
Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Dean
United States
Fumbled
Today, the cops showed up to my house and served me a child support order from the girl I had a one-night stand with, and who'd promised me she would abort the baby. All this was two years ago. My wife of three years was in the house and heard everything. She packed up her things and told me she’ll be calling her attorney. FML
ManyRegrets
Bloomsburg, United States
My legacy
Today, I found out that the one who got away just had a baby, and named it after me. My current longtime girlfriend and I already decided not to have kids. FML
Anonymous
United States
You deal with it
Today, one year after giving my girlfriend an ultimatum that if she aborted our baby, then I would leave, she had the baby… and then left it with me. Now I'm stuck as a single parent while she is out living the high life, wanting nothing to do with either of us. FML
Anonymous
Adopt a different attitude
Today, I have always been adamant on not wanting children ever, then I did a stupid thing, and now I’m now single and pregnant with twins at 22 years-old. My life is so fucking over. FML
Anonymous
United States
Surprise surprise
Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Anonymous
Congratulations. Or not.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
so_screwed
Salinas, United States
Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML
Brandenn J Moore
Flip-flopping
Today, my girlfriend, who I've been living with for the last month, told me she's not attracted to me and wants to see other people. She told me this after months of dating and telling me she was thinking about having a child with me. FML
Anonymous
United States
Trapped
Today, it's been a week since my girl told me she's pregnant and I fled town in a panic. I realized how badly I fucked up and called her, begging to come back. When I showed up at her house, her brothers kicked my ass and threw me in the street, promising to wring me dry for child support. FML
Stephen
Fort Rucker, United States
Manipulation
Today, I realized that I got set up by my narcissistic ex-fiancée. She'd planned to get pregnant by me, did, then halfway way through the pregnancy put a restraining order on me, and went MIA. Now I don't know anything about my child. FML
Top comments
Bogrbon 27
Wrap it before you tap it, but also demand a paternity test. If it was a one night stand it's possible she's scamming you because she was already pregnant and wanted a baby daddy. Happened to a friend of mine. If it's yours though, you kind of deserve it.
thefmlman2011 37
Cover your stump before you hump
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Comments (15)
thefmlman2011 37
Cover your stump before you hump
Bogrbon 27
Wrap it before you tap it, but also demand a paternity test. If it was a one night stand it's possible she's scamming you because she was already pregnant and wanted a baby daddy. Happened to a friend of mine. If it's yours though, you kind of deserve it.
RichardPencil 32
No, you have a new life, Daddy.
snappleb7 12
Bag it before you shag it
Ethan Starkey 3
Paternity test from A RELIABLE SOURCE. Also known as a AABB-accredited institution. Do your research. The test will be over 100$ most likely. I've been there. Condom broke, and it turned out not to be mine. Think about all the possibilities people, he may not necessarily deserve it.
RichardPencil 32
Before you go fill sack dick, put on a prophylactic.
Nhayaa 21
I had no idea there would be so many ways to say "put a condom". So creative, thank you for the laugh.
Ilmoran 20
Google "condom slogans". There's lists of over 100 out there, although some seem to be a bit of a stretch.
myfakeacc 12
not the same situation, but my kiddo is my pride and joy and wouldn't want to live without him
Brightside86 31
I work at a hospital about 50% of our pregnancies are unplanned. Starting to think maybe only have sex with people you wouldn't be terrified to have a child with.
Nhayaa 21
Or maybe you should let women get an abortion... (assuming you're in the US)
Taurus_ChicKa 37
There are these awesome inventions called contraceptives. One should look into them whether they're planning on having a one-night stand or not.