Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML
Today, I was talking to my parents when all of a sudden my dad started freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is that he was dead serious the whole time. FML
Today, I was watching my 2-year-old sister in the bathtub. As she was splashing, she stopped, and pointed at the "owie" on my head. I told her it was okay, and that it was just a pimple. She said, "Wow, you have a lot of pimples!" FML
Today, for some reason, my amazing dad told me to slide down towards a pole on a car tire while tobogganing down a hill and I hit the tire, consequently getting hurt in the head. I love my dad but something must've gone wrong that day. FML
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML
Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
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Top comments
FMLandurstoo 9
I like to squeeze things!
DocBastard 40
You are suggesting she does this to her father? You are a disturbed individual. No seriously, get help. Now.
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Comments (115)
FMLandurstoo 9
I like to squeeze things!
KeyboardWarrior 10
Try not to explode on the nice white helmet!
eatsleepjb 8
1- you are a sick perverted person.
AngryCanadian 0
At least he doesn't call her "albino penis"
JoGeLu 2
You deserve it for wanting incest with your father... Tramp.
123amanda123 14
who doesn't like a good squeezing once in a while :p
bwinski 19
I think the fml here is that the OP is wearing a helmet while skiing...
tmaq973 7
Your picture completes this comment.
brenkite 5
98- I guess you want a concussion, who am I to stop you
Lanceeden 12
Are you by any chance, in France?
KeyboardWarrior 10
It clearly says Alberta, Canada. Herp derp.
DinoDia 0
Naw he lives in china-.-
rawrritsemily 1
I believe they are referring to the previous fml about someone going on a skiing trip in France.
eatsleepjb 8
8- that just means he/she lives in Canada..they could be traveling. But that would be funny if it were the Same person that was mentioned in the other fml earlier..if it was then they deserve it!!
GingerKid14 3
Sick rhymes, Lanceeden. Absolutely sick.
trixy81 10
Are you by any chance an idiot?
MikeDa1Da 14
C-C-C-combo breaker
CurlyChica808 4
The nickname is kinda cute..... Except for the squeezing part....
StoryOfTheYear 15
I thought it the other way around, but that's just me being a pervert.
eatsleepjb 8
How is calling someone a pimple cute? And yeah, 32 you are a pervert.
eatsleepjb 8
How is calling someone a pimple cute? And yeah, 32 you are a pervert.
chlorinegreen 27
I love how he double posted and the first is in the negative while the 2nd is up 4 when they say the same thing. I don't know why people are taking this as a pervert thing. It's a pimple.
eatsleepjb 8
Yeah..I don't know how it posted twice and that is very odd. But the reason I think the person is a pervert is because he thought that squeezing her was cute.....
eatsleepjb 8
And btw I'm a girl. Why would a guys username be eatsleepjb?...
chlorinegreen 27
Honest mistake. Sorry. But I get your reasoning now. Thank you for clearing that up for me.
eatsleepjb 8
Haha its ok
Jovecove 13
Pimple.
upyourzlolz 11
Aren't we all just blemishes on the Earth?
CryMoreFMLs 15
I want to be a sea lamprey when I grow up! .... Wait, that's not a parasite, is it...?
trollfaced 2
Squeeze him in the groin and say what's this small junk?
DocBastard 40
You are suggesting she does this to her father? You are a disturbed individual. No seriously, get help. Now.
Sinamoi 18
Not sure about OP, but I'd be a little against squeezing my father's genitals for any reason.
smurfsarwales 9
Try seeing a doctor. Could I suggest a certain bastard?
KiddNYC1O 22
Successful troll successful... In a dirty way...
KiddNYC1O 22
What, what? In the butt?
LolFMLnot 10
Omg i have u on my face!
jazzyv94 3
That's not nice what u put. Kinda rude.. But if that's the way u are then whatevs!
laden_swallow09 35
Wanna know what else isn't nice? Your sense of humor. You then show yourself as apathetic just after you make a big deal out of a little joke that wasn't even rude to begin with. Make up yo mind, foo'.
philipino 24
94-
twofirstnames 12
Better than zit..
ohmandapants 17
Aren't they the same? I consider them the same
KiddNYC1O 22
You imagine #12 in the morning? "OMG I have a zit, no way I'm going out today." (Gets closer to mirror) "Oh wait, I'm good, it's just a pimple..."
kayleigh12 0
I think she meant pimple was better than zit as far as the nickname goes.
eatsleepjb 8
Yeah they are the same thing..in fact I would rather be called zit, it's shorter and sounds less gross...
AyeTee77 18
You damn zit.
supimnyancat 9
Did you pop?
acpv19 9
Something might squeeze out