Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML
Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, we saw a woman with two out-of-control children. As we walked away, my husband said to me, “Disgusting, I’m glad we’re never having children.” News to me, he'd always said he wanted a kid before we married. An uncomfortable conversation is imminent, damn it. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 33
Apparently you forgot to include God in your "one night stand"
FFML_314 12
Yes, let's irresponsibly have sex with strange women, give them a false number and bring countless bastard children into the world. Grow up. Women don't find that attractive. Slime balls.
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Comments (342)
wriptidez 0
you guys are so hypocritical in one breath you think sex outside of marriage is cool then you condem this guy for doing just that
trumpetGIRL12345 0
I WIN 1) Cover your stump before you hump 2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker 3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie 4) When in doubt shroud you spout 5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner 6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong 7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it 8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey 9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter 10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize 11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick 12) If you go into heat, package your meat
boopityboppity 11
If you think you just won, you most certainly lose.
sydnerxx 5
ydi for having a one night stand
marcranger 29
ydi for being a *****. I hope she leaves it on your doorstep and runs, you stupid ****.
shellls 2
just proves you have to wrap it before you tap it! :)
Spastastic 6
You're not Trollz. Don't even try.
athos1237 4
You do adult things be prepared for adult consequences. FYL because you're a douche that thinks children have so little value.
Rebeccany13 0
well there u go. karma is a bitch
CSMhXc 0
YDI, for not pulling out.
dius 0
apparently people are still terrible at pulling out.
Cinn_fml 23
Apparently people are still terrible at understanding what effective contraception is. :P