Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially, "Kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML
Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML
Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML
Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML
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Top comments
Lauren10102 3
So, what are you waiting for! Go join them!!!
allmidnighteyes 11
or, you know, you just happen to be denser than a brick of osmium and your brain lacks the ability to properly process words longer than two letters in length.
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Comments (146)
esfox83 17
I farted
TheMisfit 5
Didn't get it at first, hooray for Google! gonna use that one...
LakersFanatiC 3
Today, I woke up hearing my husband scream outside. As soon as I went to see what was goin on, I saw a spray painted ''**** Flaps'' on our garage. I got 3 kids and they're all suspects. FML
hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh 3
that licks the turkey's ball sweat off the mad cows ******
CaptainDouche 0
That's when you run outside and yell, "I did it, *******!!!!"
kaylapple 1
thats funny!
manbearpig7173 0
**** your life? Sorry, but you aren't the irresponsible parent who's child graffitied "**** flaps" on a garage door.
AlexisGadd 0
your a dick, maybe it was Sunday.
coolpersonman 3
hahaha **** flaps :)
sourspraykay 8
tl;dr