Today, my neighbours kicked my football back over the fence. They'd slashed it and taped a note to the remains that said, "Do it again and it'll be your face." Now I'm scared to play football in my own backyard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
Today, I was walking around in a park when I passed some kids playing soccer. One of them kicked the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily, I caught the ball, then I drop-kicked it, intending to say, "Go get it." Instead, it bounced off a nearby tree and hit me in the face. FML
Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML
Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML
Today, I played a harmless joke on my neighbors by pointing a laser pointer out of my window onto their wall. Apparently, my neighbors don't take jokes lightly as one of the sons pointed at my window while screaming and swearing, then took out a gang bandana and wrapped it around his face. FML
Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, my worst fear was realised while walking past an under 15’s football game. The ball landed right by me and I attempted to kick it back, except it went flying diagonally & ended up even further away. I’m a 36 year-old man and got roasted by a bunch of 15 year-old boys. FML
Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while in the supermarket car park. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed, and "FUCK YOU" was written on my windshield. FML
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Top comments
binga1496 1
I have a neighbor who threatens to shoot me with his nail gun if i step in his yard :/
FYLDeep 26
Bring a shotgun out to your back yard and kick another one over the fence. Then wait...
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Comments (101)
ContradictionsAw 4
First!
binga1496 1
I have a neighbor who threatens to shoot me with his nail gun if i step in his yard :/
brookwick 0
That's really cheerful. Thanks for sharing.
binga1496 1
I enjoy your sarcasm
ikickgingers 15
My neighbors make me cookies. :P
slick5880 22
My neighbors kick gingers. It's an odd pastime.
me_gusta_eso 1
Throw the remains in a lake and tell them that that will be them if they threaten you again.
False_Stupidity 42
#52 you live next door to ikickgingers?
teresa96706 29
Umm.. How do they see the note/the remains, if it's in a lake?
Free_Candy 0
3, I have one that follows you with a stick and threatens to beat you if you go past his yard.
monster_tamer 11
Nail guns do not actually shoot. They would have to pin you down and press it to your body for anything to happen... If that helps.
Neorecon19 18
#3 and OP - I'd suggest hurling a brick(s) into their yard then call the cops if they lob them through your house
cuppycake11 0
Wat!! He's gonna kill u?? Damn too much man he's gone too far!! Call da cops man!!
cuppycake11 0
LUCKY!!! My cross-street neighbor gives me da look in her eye like when I'm riding my bike just around she just stares at me, creepy rite??
cuppycake11 0
Rite first u do da bad then da good :)
Buhleeve 0
It's Freddy!!!!!
upyourzlolz 11
Yup. OP lives on Elm street. Where the dreams are whacky, and the neighbors insane.
Muslimgal92 0
Haha rednecks smh
MagicGiraffe 12
Rednecks in the UK?
Muslimgal92 0
Rednecks are everywhere it's a spreading disease!!!
Pandaloverr 0
Throw the football back with a note that says come and find me (:
Damn_Hippster 11
Slash their car tires and then see who has the last slash!
LolFMLnot 10
Throw it again and see what happens :$
DrDilllonReese 12
Light their front lawn on fire...
n_epic_fail 14
It's the Slash Slinging Slasher!
irokyoursox 6
57 I believe it's the Hash Slinging Slasher
techweed 12
24, do you know that in England "having a slash" is another phrase for pissing?
friedeggyolive 7
But 24, anyone psycho enough to do that just because the football was on their lawn is surely psycho enough to hunt down and maim the person who slashed their tires!!!
vitaldisplay 0
Your a joke.
upyourzlolz 11
Yours isn't funny.
why_R_U_gay 1
put a bouncing betty at their front door than throw the football...
oreobunbun 3
This isn't goddamn call of duty, dumbass
bitchslapped22 14
Yeah, then we can all AC-130 the shit out of his house, that'll show him
xSonic 9
23- not everything refers to call of duty
happyhak 5
#71, you moron, where else do you get a bouncing betty?
kings1fan 6
its like you guys are speaking another language. I need to start playin call of duty hahahah
3yellowzebras 19
Bouncing Betty is used in Borderlands too :-/
ferrettamer 6
But you can't place them. They just bounce into the air when the blow up.
AlexanderSilver 0
45 I was thinking UNLEASH THE DOGS
Buttsexpirate 9
Try baseball, or soccer! Or maybe, how about flag football? So many options!
instnt1nfction 17
Football=soccer in the UK
upyourzlolz 11
Since OP lives in the UK, I believe when he says "football", he means what we call soccer.
npnptracking 7
I wish everyone just called it FOOTBALL! That would make life simpler
n_epic_fail 14
I don't see why America had to go and call it soccer...
HahaYDI 0
The word "soccer" was originated by an English chap, so go ask him why.
teresa96706 29
If everyone called it football, what would we call American football?
CloudEnvy 17
HandEgg.
xoconnie 8
how would playing flag football make a difference? WOWWWWWWWWWW. u still throw the football you idiot hahahahah
soccerguy2 11
Wouldnt it be futbol if op meant soccer and not football?
andre5006 2
No they speak English in the UK ..futbol= Spanish for football
trollfaced 2
Tell your neighbor to back off, then ask him/her why you can't have some fun
kotabones 0
Pump it full of mace and let them slash it open. And then a note that says don't destroy my property.
coltsrock37 15
You know, they got that new team in England now called the Rippers, their mascot name is Jack...hmm, maybe the mascot is your neighbor
horneyhic 15
That's London Ontario not London England
Ilikeurfmls 13
Then take there dog and do the same thing... Except write something like "it'll be in your face if it barks again". ... Did I go too far? I did? Oops.
barlessprison 16
That was nowhere close to being funny.
unhappybitch 8
Just put some grenades in that football at throw it inside their house!
bossroyd 4
Seriously? Only a terrorist could come up with something like that
eddeeezzyy 19
Plot twist - 20's a terrorist.