Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
Today, my neighbor yelled “Fuck you!” at me through his window. My crime? Closing my front door “too loud.” This man lets his children beat on the walls and slam doors but apparently I’m the problem. FML
Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street, about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four-month-old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "Shit!", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother." FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
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Top comments
tweetyzyaw 20
Time to call the Fuzz
manateesarecool 13
She has a nice vocabulary
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Comments (119)
tweetyzyaw 20
Time to call the Fuzz
kingnothing123x 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Reading this hurt my brain
Lorenzo1102 21
Time for you to get a new one
tantanpanda 26
It hurt because the understatement and sarcasm was too difficult to understand? Come back when you grow up.
Stormcloak 20
I personally thought he was referring to the rudeness of the idiot neighbor, but I guess I'm probably wrong.
sdlr32787 18
beat her crackhead ass up
sonasonic 34
Or better yet, report her and let her new prison "buddies" do the dirty work for you, OP!
sdlr32787 18
woah woah woah! we put in our own work around here
rachelthelime_fml 29
Lovely neighbours you have there, OP! They'll have to get used to it eventually, or move out. Hope they don't give you too much grief ^^
zBLAKEz 23
I would probably get a lot of grief from having neighbors with a two day old baby that keeps me up all night with its wailing.
militarybrat 21
#54. Babies cry. Get over yourself.
withered 30
Other people should not be inconvenienced because you decide to breed. People have their own lives, jobs and need sleep. It is pretty selfish to tell them to "get over it". The world does not revolve around you. YOU should show some consideration and sound proofing the baby's room and/or hand out some ear plugs or something like that.
manateesarecool 13
She has a nice vocabulary
missambitious 21
Very colorful, indeed.
xx000o 27
Only in Australia would they use "ASSFUCK" as a subject instead of an adjective.
starile 20
Sounds like it was used as a noun here, to me. Not like an adjective at all. Adjectives are describing words, like if it was used here, "Keep that kid out of my ASSFUCKING FACE". Describes the face. Instead it was used as a person, place, or thing (the OP is the assfuck). Like, "Now THAT was a good assfuck!" It's being used as a noun. /end grammar nazi-ing/ In either case, I can easily see this being used in the good ol' US of A, too! We enjoy colorful, nonsensical language!
why57why 21
It's more colorful than an LGBT parade
42069666 18
at least she was polite about it, no-one wants asshole neighbours
carllyo 19
Sarcasta-cat!
CandienInEurope 21
I'd be annoyed too. But it's a baby she should calm down.
LissaPalumbo 14
Babies can't help it. Parents can't help it, no parent wants their baby to cry. People need to be more understanding
Bradley_Dillon 39
When You're on a bus and a parent is ignoring their kid while its screaming at the top of its lungs, I'm sure you'll get pretty annoyed.
ToxicTyrael 26
^sometimes you can't do anything because the baby is annoyed or angry and some kids don't react to a calming parent but to ignorance My mother told me that the more she tried to calm me the more I screamed. But when she just ignored me for like 10 minutes I went quiet. And sometimes (especially if the baby is just tired or angry) you don't want to calm it and just wait because you are tired or angry. It's not that bad to do so.
tantanpanda 26
^#64 was talking about kids. Sure, a baby in public can't really stop crying, but a kid sure as hell can. This may not be popular opinion, but parents that ignore their freaking child while they're wailing for everyone to hear in the supermarket or something pisses me off. There are methods to get children to stop crying, parents just have to find it. You are being a disrespectful shit letting your child be an annoyance in public when they can completely control themselves. Babies, of course not, but kids have the ability to shut up and parents should use their authority to make the child be quiet.
natesmummy 11
If my son is screaming in public, it's because I've put him in the pushchair after he wouldn't hold my hand and stay with me. So yes, I will ignore him. He's 18 months so technically a toddler.
doodlecloud 27
62 and others - 7 was not suggesting that the baby calm down, she meant that the crazy neighbour should calm down because as others have said, it's only a baby and can't help it.
miranderrr14 10
When my 3 year old throws a temper tantrum in public bc she didn't get what she wanted, I will ignore her. Why? Bc when she gets the attention, it won't stop and she'll scream louder. When I ignore her, she stops soon after bc she realizes she's not going to get her way. Not all kids are the same. Some just need to be ignored for them to stop.
CandienInEurope 21
That's exactly what I meant.
CandienInEurope 21
#92
PickledSweets 22
Well, it's safe to say she's throughly insane. Sorry you have to deal with that, OP. If it gets worse, call the cops, or move if it really gets bad.
sonasonic 34
I don't think OP needs to move if her neighbour is really the crackhead she really is. Calling the cops would be good enough to remove the threat to OP and her family.
CanadiAnM8 24
She's legit 2 days old... How the **** are people that rude... Then again I'm Canadian
TemperanceRiley 15
time t call the police. she did threatened u