Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML
Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML
Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML
Today, I warned my husband not to eat the seafood he'd left on the counter. He insisted it was fine. He’s now been in the bathroom shitting, puking and wailing for three hours. Our place is tiny and the bathroom is attached to our bedroom. The door doesn’t keep out the noise or the rancid smell. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
I've heard of "my dog ate my homework" excuse, but this is a new one. Go find another one at a store and quick!
mandygrl25 18
Why did you keep the suit within your dogs reach?
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Comments (56)
HeartOfLead 24
You have twelve hours to get another one. With all that time you might as well get creative with your dogs punishment.
CrissyyyS2 22
Havent people learned to keep all new clothing somewhere your pets cant tear or slobber all over em! Too many fmls about pets ripping OPs stuff. You guys are teasing your pets! Leaving stuff like those around the house for them to play with!
Zebediabolical 45
I don't understand why OP didn't just make a superhuman effort and clench for the 20 seconds it would take to get out there and rescue the rented tux. The shoes, they're probably relatively easily replaceable. A tux replacement from a rental shop, not so much.
CrissyyyS2 22
Clenching doesnt always work. But yea, try to clench and save the outfit but fail to hold clench > Watching helplessly your dog destroying your expensive rentals.
monkeytater96 23
You're just having a really shitty day.
HeartOfLead 24
Your dog was probably just crabby because you never play with him.
fml1365 30
I sea you had a ruff time.
CanadiAnM8 24
That sucks a lot. I suggest maybe punishing the dog by maybe giving him food he doesn't like. But you should explain what happened to your sister and wear nice clothes.
alonzo368 5
it's your sisters wedding just rent another and deal with the cost after
doodlecloud 27
Yeah...run out and stop him. It may get messy but as long as you keep the tux clean, you can clean the rest up later...
Michael_92 20
I really think the bigger question here is why would you let your dog do that while you just sit there?
ratorr2 23
Exactly my thought. I would risk having to clean up after myself if it meant saving the shoes and tux. There's no way I would just sit on the toilet for hours watching my dog chew up stuff.