Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
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Top comments
sunshyne84_fml 0
try mouthwash?
red_apples 0
Now you're scared of lemons.
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Comments (175)
heathallin 0
#12 .... you took it right out of my mouth ohhh see what i did there?
kithless 6
Ever heard of brushing your teeth....?
CaptainCrunch_fml 0
#45 Again, maybe you should find cleaner girls. I know that I don't taste bad, because he enjoys doing it, and I kiss him afterwards. If a girl doesn't have good personal hygiene, it's going to be "awful everytime" you do it.
unlucky09 0
why are you not giving your BOYFRIEND ********? he should be on here writing "MY GIRLFRIEND DOESNT LIKE TO GIVE ME HEAD, FML". sorry :)
unlucky09 0
oh and i forgot to say, YOU DESERVED THAT ONE.
cobrakid77678 0
#4.. hehe Led Zeppelin. Lemon Song.. INNUENDOOOOO! "The way you sqeeze my lemon girl, it makes me fall right out of bed."
yadigg 0
haha seriously cum doesnt taste that bad. im pretty sure lemons taste soo much worse. just swallowww haha
sillypun 0
you dont HAVE to swallow, but you HAVE to take it in the mouth or i'm going for your eye.
Zic_fml 7
You don't happen to like lemonade, do you?
bioclock 0
I would take a lemon to the eye over cum in the eye any day of the week. Lemon is less painful and doesn't turn my eye blood red.