Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed "JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!" and shot his load in my eyes. FML
Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
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Top comments
sunshyne84_fml 0
try mouthwash?
red_apples 0
Now you're scared of lemons.
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Comments (175)
wholelottaROSIE_fml 0
Damn I love Led Zeppelin
MarrymeNickJonas 0
ughh why would you want someones **** in your mouth? hahahh gross
sevrok_7 0
OMG I've been shot in the eye before and it BURNS...but I don't think as much as lemon juice.
Affe 0
Most guys (notice I say most) will forewarn a girl before they ejaculate. And just because that stuff is shooting out at approximately 15 miles per hour doesn't mean you can't avoid eye contact. Don't be afraid, he'll think you're rejecting him.
imbrokeagain 0
Okay, first off, cum traditionally does not taste the best but you just have to deal with it because you aren't doing it for your pleasure, you are making him happy. Second, if you have his dick in your mouth its not going to go in your eye......DUH! And yes, girls spit and women swallow but he probly wont mind if you spit if you can't handle it. Third, why in goodness name would you suck on a lemon when it doesn't even taste good? why not do some mouthwash or brush your teeth? i mean really?
jsmith1199 4
thats what u get for not blowing him often enough
lifesucks3597 0
This FML is not nearly as funny as all the people posting comments. I want to know where all these girls that dont mind sucking dick are. I sure cant ever find them. HOORAY to all the people encouraging blow jobs.
meowman13 5
LOOL there are lots of girls out there who secretly don't mind it :P you'll find one!
forthelulz_fml 0
l2beej? idk
WowLifeDoesSuck 0
When life give you lemons, this happens.
mechanicalrain 0
solution? more dick, less lemons