Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML
Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML
Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML
Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
deLongenator 4
Then kick him hard!
HolaJessicaHola 0
Kick hard. Tell him "we want to be sure, right?"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
deLongenator 4
Then kick him hard!
biggestfan23 11
If he's that stupid he doesn't deserve to reproduce anyways
eeppiicc 8
It is true tho. If you get kicked or hit hard enough you lose the ability to have kids.
Classlfied 4
When I get kicked hard I lose the ability to do pretty much anything
_Oblivion_ 12
If you kick him hard enough it can be a proven castration method.
Jaxx66 21
Well yes it does lower sperm count... But I think your BF needs to stop watching Jackass..
reenkaur 7
i agree with 17. morover he deserves to be kicked in the nuts for being gullible!
reenkaur 7
smart guy you got there. lol. jk
L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18
WOW, 53, good thing you added "lol. jk" at the end of that statement or I totally would have thought you were being serious!
QueenQuay77 10
Well in that case I would put on some steel toe boots and kick him as hard as I can, then break up with him because he's and idiot and find someone with a good head on their shoulders and that want kids.
JustDerpin 11
amen, sister! ^
cosmosis 12
Im thinking ops boyfriend is that fuckhead from Mt Druitt, NSW who got 7 girls knocked up after telling them he could never reproduce because he was a bmx rider... Hmmm guess he got it wrong....
urdirtyolduncle 15
POW, right in the kisser!
KeyboardWarrior 10
63 I don't think that story is about the guy... I think it's worse that the girls fell for it.
cosmosis 12
65- when they ran the story on the tele. Majority of the focus was on this kid and how he tricked these girls into thinking he was sterile. Its sad that they did fall for it. The thought of Children having children because of people like this makes me angry. The rest of their childhood taken away by that scumbag
amoscore 5
You could win a Darwin award for kicking him in the nuts really hard! Haha.
_Oblivion_ 12
Couldn't google it, and I'm uninformed about this. Those were children that got knocked up? My thought of children is 13 and under.. I don't know the story so I'm just going by a few comments.
twisted_cherub 14
Legally, "children" qualifies as anyone under the age of consent, which is 17 in most states in the U.S. and varies in other countries. I think of a child as anyone not mature enough to take care of themselves, which is most people in the world. Those people shouldn't procreate. If you can't get out of mommy's house, or have to have a roommate/boyfriend help with bills, or can't afford a car and bum rides everywhere, or have to beg grandma for grocery money, or have to have government assistance; you shouldn't have kids. People need to learn to support their own needs before stupidly bringing a life completely dependent on them into the world.
jtsyanks 2
tom delonge for life
RocketNinjaFish 12
Why don't you test that theory and see if it works?
THEBlade_fml 1
Why dont you test it?
SwAGkiLlS 5
No harm in trying
Guren 0
Test it on his head, it's scientifically proven to make you smarter.
HolaJessicaHola 0
Kick hard. Tell him "we want to be sure, right?"
Jakesterk96 8
"Never argue with an idiot. They'll bring you down to your level and beat you with experience."- Mark Twain.
Jakesterk96 8
*their
olpally 33
Cool story, bro, epic fail, he/she's a keeper, doesn't matter, had sex, lmao, Lolz, lulz, wincest! That's what she said, that's what he said, giggity, that's nasty, that's a shitty situation, sticky situation, wow, no shit Sherlock, you think?
afdude87 6
^ Drugs are bad, children.
olpally 33
Sorry.. I had turrets for a moment.. Just thought I'd say all the worst puns ever... Lol... I've never touched drugs in my life actually :)
call4agoodtime 3
Just stop talking.
olpally 33
No!!
JustDerpin 11
well then he is correct.
hemz_fml 13
He is correct, if they take enough damage but I'm thinking he got that off of sport science.
CommanderBalls 10
maybe if you use a combat boot and hit full force
Wozuh 5
4- Your name fits your own comment and the FML perfectly.
Jaxx66 21
4- that didn't work on my father. Long story short, I was trying on steel toed boots and he did something and I kicked him in the gonads. I have three more younger siblings..
LaughinStock 16
Hmm yes yes 47 it seems that this theory will only stimulate the sperm more. Maybe radiation, I know of a man named Dwight who tried to use a microwave to destroy his sperm.
Jaxx66 21
120, I had to think of the mechanics of how you would do that, and they all came back painful and not something a person would even consider! Ouch >_
notsorandomguy 18
Do it. That guy should never reproduce.
WhyCantIDoRight 5
Damn you! Every time I read a comment by you, It's in milhouse's voice!
notsorandomguy 18
122 - I don't see where the problem is.
Danny0522 8
Actually, it's scientifically proven to guarantee a spot among the Youtube celebrities. I think he just got confused.
llamafish 25
Which is in itself a method of birth-control
rocker_chick105 31
Why not try it out then?
angel948 9
You should see how long it takes to prove him wrong.
Pandacupcakelove 26
Soo... He only believes it today?
Pandacupcakelove 26
Aww the FML was changed, now my comment makes no sense :(