Sole music

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

Shine on

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

Today, I got several thumbtacks jabbed into me. Why? Because my cousin thought it would be a funny prank to superglue a bunch of thumbtacks to his nerf darts. My left forearm is still bleeding. FML

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML