Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML
Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, after months of health problems and my boyfriend offering unsolicited advice that mostly boiled down to "eat meat, take vitamins", I finally followed his suggestions to prove that he was wrong. It's a week later and I feel better than I have in years. He's never going to let this go. FML
Today, I finally told my girlfriend I love her. She corrected my grammar. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML
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Top comments
brokenangelexy 13
Don't be silly wrap your willy!
tencentsakiss 19
I want to know if this is just your cute way of writing, or if she's really too dumb to realize that she's pregnant.
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Comments (146)
haleyaubrey1 0
Period?
OHai15 12
No. Question mark.
oneontheway 0
Congrats!!!!
knifeywifey 0
You prick is that what your going to tell your child when it's born? That it was a mistake and you had a winge about it on the net. How about support your girlfriend and pull your head in. You disgust me the way you talk about women
br0ccoli 15
Have fun paying $250,000 from birth to 18, not including college.
Twisted_Angel 17
Well, on the plus side you don't need to worry about protection anymore... although that doesn't sound like it was ever a problem.
daa2138 0
Congratulations is in order? having babies does not look like fun to me, but good luck, wish you all the best
conqueror57 11
Eff you, punk. "Illness" implies an abnormality or something "wrong." Grow the eff up. It's natural. Please abort the fetus before you infect it with your stupidity. And do us all a favor, learn to use birth control!
mustberachel 2
A new life is a blessing.
dani435 0
She's PREGO!!!
rsonnack 2
A period is not an illness, asshole