Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML
Today, my alarm clock consisted of my children stomping on my manhood while dumping Froot Loops on my head. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML
Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML
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Top comments
MrThump 16
That's like don't bite the hand the feeds you........ Don't destroy the balls that created you.
GrinchFu1 27
I have a three year old little boy who either farts in my face or peels my eyelid open and pokes me in the eye. More often than not it's a poke in the eye. He thinks it's hilarious... It's a shitty way to wake up, but it is pretty ****** hilarious. Never a dull day with little kids around.
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Comments (45)
IssacB 14
..Well it worked didn't it? lol sorry OP
Nessco 36
Not sure it's the best way, I'd go with most effective.
Regimental_Phan 18
Am I the only one who though that OP's name made this FML even funnier?
trulypar 34
Well...you are awake now, maybe he was right.
trollcrusher 17
Yes, awake indeed! Perhaps bawling, vomiting, newly sterilized... but oh yes, totally conscious. It certainly sounds like an effective way to get a guy up, just with some collateral damage. OP, I hope no lasting harm was inflicted.
MrThump 16
That's like don't bite the hand the feeds you........ Don't destroy the balls that created you.
vikky538 29
You sir... Up you go.
psychopolarbear 28
At this rate, he'll never have to worry about another kid putting him through this
whassallt26 13
maybe he's more evil than you think and this is how he's trying to secure his place as an only child
GrinchFu1 27
I have a three year old little boy who either farts in my face or peels my eyelid open and pokes me in the eye. More often than not it's a poke in the eye. He thinks it's hilarious... It's a shitty way to wake up, but it is pretty ****** hilarious. Never a dull day with little kids around.
laden_swallow09 35
If you think your own masochism is pretty ****** hilarious, I'll appreciate my choice to live without making children that much more. Thank you.
tdawg91 17
Ugh, my daughter like to creepily tickle my neck while staring at me with her eyes wide open.... So many heart attacks!
johnny29 14
i feel sorry for you op, but maybe you should try to explain him that it's not nice to hit people in the balls
bwinski 19
Sorry OP. Maybe he was just making sure that he was the last child you'll have...
iwanttogotoparis 26
Don't you just love children?
Highonlife1 10
well atleast you already have a kid, in case your balls are broken now haha
theamazingd 17
I thought the saying was "Wakey, wakey, hands off snakey..." Clearly your son didn't get the memo.
missjj1 8
Isn't is "Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey"?
theamazingd 17
I was quoting My Name is Earl.