Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition, and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
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Top comments
kicker33663 0
that's cause your 3 year old has 2 inches to aim versus however much distance your husband has to aim
xGabri3L 3
I'm on the toilet.
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Comments (152)
heyred 11
Um, isn't your husband taller and thus, further away from the bowl?
GloriousWhorious 6
Orange Pussy.
DeadxManxWalking 27
hands free?
LaughterofCorn 4
Oral Pineapples, seriously these questions must stop sooner or later.
tuppencej777 0
Paternity test!
onthetoilet 3
your son is doing what everyone does when they start a new job, make sure they do it right in front of the boss, hard work and consistency. but than over time you don't care any more and it just gets sloppy. :)
coolwhiplova 1
Wow did you tell your husband?? :)
Olbluechevy 0
Longer barrel, better aim. I'm sorry man.
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
when your young its more of an accomplishment to make it. it doesnt matter when you get older. then theres the height distance. unless OP's husbands got a five dollar footlong, theres a big difference
javijavi456 10
cause you ********** to much you fatty