Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition, and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
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Top comments
kicker33663 0
that's cause your 3 year old has 2 inches to aim versus however much distance your husband has to aim
xGabri3L 3
I'm on the toilet.
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Comments (152)
xGabri3L 3
I'm on the toilet.
jkidd93 2
I'm on a boat.
nucky_fml 5
I'm on a plane
Radek18 0
I'm on a blimp!
iLazy 0
I'm on shrooms
funktown 2
I'm on a trampoline.
ribbyc80 0
I'm on a midget
chickunkey 0
c-c-c-c-combo breaker!!!
funktown 2
f-f-f-f-fag!
bribri360 0
lol
chickunkey 0
That was a pretty good chain of comments I just shit on. ;D
Radek18 0
25- you shit on comments? what?
chickunkey 0
Not the best choice of words haha. in this case I was referring to ruining that string if comments; although I do literally shit on comments quite often.
Radek18 0
intriguing, yes
chickunkey 0
too my last comment, I meant of* not if.
Radek18 0
To your last comment you must have meant *to
fatgirllovesfml 0
wait until he holds his first beer, he'll be worse than his father
chickunkey 0
#38 Well shit, I used the wrong "to". Don't take this offense lightly, I deserve to be punished. *hangs head in shame*
GiddyXD 0
sitting on the toilet.
robotiick 12
I'm on a donkey
boatingboy1011 0
I'm on your mom
ribbyc80 0
I'm back on a midget
Goldenchest 14
I'm on a horse.
Tayman24 0
I'm on a dick.
GeraldisTheG 3
I'm on cocaine
FreebirdIII 1
I'm on fire!
Olovio 5
I'm taking a shit right now, gotta love smartphones!
DiamondBTroll 0
just to end this non-sense.. C-C-C-Combo Breaker!
mmedeiros14 0
66-I knew someone was was gonna say that
kcluna 6
107- You party pooper!!
babyyninjas 1
holy **** I just saw a guy on a midget
ConradDavid 1
this wad the greatist string of comments I have ever read... and the comment above mine made it even better for me =)
ahole123 0
107 you deserve to be in the same position as 87
Captain_Obvious2_fml 6
im on FML
dondomom 0
im on minecraft!
abnormalbird 11
I'm on my way
kicker33663 0
that's cause your 3 year old has 2 inches to aim versus however much distance your husband has to aim
EatnBeef 7
her son kicks his ass inthe piss department.
livvyluvlaf 8
yeah your son is closer to the ground. his penis only needs to hit a target 2 inches away while your husband has to aim a foot or 2 away (:
bodmonontheblock 0
my aim sucks as well.
danbui 0
exactly what I was thinking >.
NBS93 0
This.
jmapes36 0
I wanted to say that... she doesn't get it b/c she doesn't have one I guess
Vincanety 0
hey I'm nearly 6 feet and my dick is 2 inches from the toilet not are fault the dad has a millimeter peter
rosebud11 3
when i read this that is what i thought also
stashpeanut 3
Or her husband is just lazy. It's one thing to miss... It's another thing entirely to miss and not clean up after yourself.
guse72 1
lmao, sucks for u. seriously
TheiMightyKhaL 2
Beginners luck.
dreamering 16
Maybe you're husbands dick has Parkinson
hamster_10 2
that's such poor banter...
dreamering 16
Poor spelling also. What a dick :)
missworthless 0
Smaller ones are easier to aim? I dunno, I'm a girl. If anything, I'd say f your wife/gf/so life - they are probably always stepping in your mess and having to clean it up. Maybe you neef to be re-pottytrained along with your son.
Arraggatis 0
The wife posted this FML, not the husband.
missworthless 0
LOL. That's what I get for reading these at 3 am instead of sleeping.
ChantelRenaeee 0
LOL
nucky_fml 5
6, it's not OP that needs to be retrained. It's the father that does
WompWompWomp123 7
Your son can now train your husband.
funktown 2
I feel your husbands pain..
sweet_candy_ 17
Wow that's just sad :(
Bk130 0
that's what you get for marrying a guy who has a small penis.