Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way, my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
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Top comments
pjsr 33
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but what happens in the church basement - that's boyfriend story material!
RichardPencil 32
Two girls, one urinal?
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
Two girls, one urinal?
deathstroke990 22
op is a dude
RichardPencil 32
The pictograms for male and female are too small and similar to be sure. I wish they just stuck with the circles with the arrows and the pluses.
Glowworm56 27
Sometimes the gender gets marked incorrectly and the OP turns out to be the other one.
pjsr 33
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but what happens in the church basement - that's boyfriend story material!
pdelapuente92 11
well...tell us more
Lobby_Bee 18
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
GrumpyGrinch 23
FYL. Feel for you. My mother has this habit to tell people "cute" stories from my childhood. My advice is to cut it in the root or it may grow out of any sensible proportion. My mom and I are not speaking any more and I very surely do not introduce her to any of my friends.
L0life29 6
I can’t believe I’m the first one to say HOLY SHIT!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣