Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition, and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kicker33663 0
that's cause your 3 year old has 2 inches to aim versus however much distance your husband has to aim
xGabri3L 3
I'm on the toilet.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (152)
mwheatley8991 0
aim isn't always the problem, it splashes too
maskedman 9
I can see that the OP doesn't understand the science of male urination. First, of course your son is going to have better aim. He's closer to the toilet. Second, getting the pee into the toilet is not as simple as pointing your dick in the right direction. Especially after having sex and you have three different streams coming out of your shaft.
skyeyez9 25
Then why not sit down to pee after having sex, if you know it is going to spray in different directions? Stand up to pee when you know it isnt gonna be all weird and spray everywhere.
MuchDance90s 0
whaaaaaat? 3 different streams?! been having sex for like 14 years and I didnt know this??!!! (I am female)
thorman78 1
Agreed. It's the worst. I usually do this crazy leg-cramping half-squat standing over the toilet and facing the tank so I don't get it on every surface in the bathroom. If anyone ever saw me I'd probably hang myself. But that's what it takes. And to #92, I've tried. It is almost impossible and feels like you're trying to dismember your member (since it usually takes a while to "calm down" as it were). #101, There's just one "stream" but it's going to come out in about a hundred directions. I swear it's like taking a garden hose and putting it about half an inch from the wall. It will go *everywhere* except forward. Now you know.
massivelyskilled 0
i hate FMLs which start with "Today i REALIZED" because it is much easier for people to use "found out" and "saw". yeah. please respond with whatever you have to say about this.
docscientist 10
I'm sorry if realized is such a foreign word to you.
MRobvious750 0
51- or you could quit complaining about things that don't matter.
MuchDance90s 0
today I realized that some idiots on Fml don't know more than 300 English words. much like a parrot.
phatdaddy62 23
Hey! My parrot knows way more than 300 words!
ShrukiantheMad 0
today, I realized that sone people are, in fact, so afflicted by their downsyndrome that they can not comprehend realize
SoSolidSingh 2
how's this a FML
brozorz 0
i have better aim than my dad as well
fatgirllovesfml 0
orgy penis
SirBedevere 0
YDI for aiming.
Firi 0
women don't understand that it's not just based on aiming. There is force and speed involved. it's hard to get everything to work your way to get the perfect straight stream..it's science
Pl0xs 0
Who gives a shit. How is this a fml? People are dying because they can't eat
xDeathAbove 2
the dad probably showing his son a new way to pee.