Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year-old daughter, and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy - I'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition, and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML
Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML
Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
buddy51 23
Take this as a suggestion from your son and his friends that you might need to lose a little weight.....
Hurbel684 10
I hate it when people try to get into my pants...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (117)
DeidaraAkatsuki 17
it's a good thing, they're not fat :D
Bakarra 22
The FML is about how the mom is fat, not how the kids are, but I suppose it is good news that whatever is causing her to be fat hasn't affected her son yet
shortvirgo13 7
I think he clearly understood the message of the FML. It's just a bad joke.
capslockisgood 19
30 "yet" lol
Hurbel684 10
If that's how it should be, then half of all the FMLs wouldn't be submitted. Guess the joke's on you :-p
obviousboy 8
I lol'ed. That's good stuff.
SirCharles83 13
I agree with 72. How about OP puts down the candy bars and hits up a treadmill. Although OP deserves it (in my mind anyways) I still can't help but feel bad. That's pretty sad. Hopefully this is what OP needed to motivate them to get healthy and skinny.
chlorinegreen 27
I hate how people say healthy and skinny. She doesn't have to be skinny to be healthy but yes maybe she should try walking everyday and eating better, just try and be healthy.
jazzy_babee758 6
As much as I agree with #96 the reason people tend to say healthy and skinny is because being skinny is usually the result of being healthy, I haven't heard anyone say I'm healthy and fat before, just saying....
maryiah 21
Skinny isn't always healthy.
HiIAmKevin 8
102- I'm fat...and healthy. Now you have.
MissCharlotte_fml 26
A lot of moms do not have time to work out. They make lunches and dinners, work a job or two, help their kids with their homework, clean the house, and go grocery shopping. I know my mom did all of those things, as well as taking care of her sisters baby, and she spent the little free time she got resting. So before you judge OP, think for a minute.
buddy51 23
Take this as a suggestion from your son and his friends that you might need to lose a little weight.....
TheGodDamnJoker 9
Well it's possible they are very young (around the age of 8), and the pants are stretchable from the waist.
whatthefreshhell 15
Five 8 year olds, though... That's still pretty big.
twaumat 28
2. only a little??
RoseBlack123 37
While that's incredibly rude of him (depending on how old he is) maybe he was trying to give you a hint...
ry24 12
Maybe they are all anorexic?
mattorama 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Anorexic? Maybe the mom should take up anorexia if almost a half dozen kids can fit in her pants. Secondly, it says UK. Are we talking pants as in trousers, or pants as in knickers, here?
eksyneet 23
#62, why don't you go and "take up" schizophrenia? that's basically what you're suggesting.
maosquare 18
Pants as in underwear.
afallingstar 22
Time to diet OP?
IAmJad 18
Either that or she'll have to start pricking her fingers...
M3DIC4T3 29
Sometimes a person is overweight because their thyroid is way off. OP may be overweight because of a messed up thyroid which is a recognized, legitimate medical condition. Or OP is "allergic" to exercise. We will probably never know.
JiggaJayZ 16
Time to go for a jog OP
Hurbel684 10
I hate it when people try to get into my pants...
upallnight11 19
I see what you did there
lilhellian 27
Really? Please enlighten us! I do not see what they meant..
TrueTriage 16
When will people realize "I see what did there is not a good comment!" On a side note I hate having to get on my pants too. Why can't we all just walk around in our underwear.. Improv everywhere does it with 1000+ people
TrueTriage 16
I did I just didn't play it well : *hangs head in shame*
BulldogHoops 14
32- Why was that all one quote...?
Hurbel684 10
@ 39: High five!
adammeyer 4
What did your mother tell you about letting guys into your pants so easily?!
VLJACK 6
Good one!
DuRpY 5
Plot twist: Op's son and his friends are adults.
The_Big_Boss 20
Wow you must be fat
whatthefreshhell 15
Wow, you must be a gigantic douche nozzle.
Bakarra 22
He actually just got promoted, now he's known as Major Obvious, congratulations man!
GetPuckedUp 3
you must be a MILF if they want to get in your pants.