Today, I realized that my 3 year-old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year-old father. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
Today, I was with my 3 year-old son in the doctor's office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition, and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's one year old. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML
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Top comments
kicker33663 0
that's cause your 3 year old has 2 inches to aim versus however much distance your husband has to aim
xGabri3L 3
I'm on the toilet.
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Comments (152)
LoonyKev 0
maybe ur husband wasnt fortunate in his toddler days, for someone to potty train him...
sadistmonkey 19
Tima, I can tell without even looking at your profile that you're a girl based on your ignorance on the subject. It is not a simple task to aim and I'm sure most guys will agree with me. That said, it is definitely everyone's responsibility to clean up after themselves if they do miss.
instantmusic 4
I dunno...I for one can write my name in cursive with my stream. But you're right, even then crazy shit happens sometimes. Its like firing from a gun, where somehow the barrel is pointing in a slightly different direction each time(and somehow doesn't explode).
sadistmonkey 19
Sure, but aiming it in the bowl every time is like writing your name in cursive in exactly the same place with exactly the same letter size and shape every single time.
Soloman212 28
Umm no not really, it's like doing that except you have an error allowance of about 2 feet.
ChantelRenaeee 0
I think someone needs to be potty trained!!
HeavyMetalViking 0
*face palm* OP, you don't shake it when you're peeing, you shake it after.
HeavyMetalViking 0
Lol, I didn't see the gender before. This is supposed to be directed to your husband.
ProhibitionRose 14
maybe she likes to hold it occasionally
enonymous 9
I like most men just let it hang and where it goes is where it was meant to be. it's like watching a fire hose with no one holding it.
JessieMongoose 11
LMAO.
ribbyc80 0
why do men get in shit for not putting the toilet seat down, since we have farther to aim, it should be always up!!
saraheve1188 5
Don't worry. As a girl living in a house of brothers, not one of the guys can aim properly. My boyfriend came over and missed too... The seat is always dirty when I use the bathroom after them.
CitrusGirl 0
My brother used to be like that. My mom and I got sick of it and called him to the bathroom to clean it every time he left pee on the seat. Now he has perfect aim.
catatonicsleep 17
wish that would work on my brother... we have 2 bathrooms so we say one is for the men and one for the women, but my brother still goes in ours and pees on the seat :(
instantmusic 4
Thats still unacceptable, hitting the seat is fine, it happens. Not cleaning it afterwards is WTF.
SteelCladAngel 0
put the seat up before pissing... problem solved id rather put the seat down every time than clean piss off it.
bodmonontheblock 0
sucks for the girls i guess
amadan 0
All guys get bad .... streams every now and again it happens even if you aim perfect. Not cleaning up afterwards is totally inconsiderate though
xmayne 0
what does OP mean?
aardvarkish 17
Marry the son. Problem solved.
docscientist 10
Well, your 3 year old is much closer to the bowl
california283 6
practice makes perfect .. keep on peeing