Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML
Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML
Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML
Today, after losing my job and being quarantined alone, I realized I've gained quite a bit of weight due to depression. I decided to do something about it and walk around my neighborhood. A group of teens followed me laughing and hurling insults until I cried. FML
Today, I thought it was about time to learn to ride a bike as an adult. I wobbled down the street, lost my balance, and crashed into a parked ice cream truck. The owner yelled at me, and I was left with a bruised ego and no ice cream. FML
Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
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Top comments
CamberwellCarrot 8
You should've mocked the loser who drives an ice cream truck for a living.
NoobHat 6
How you kept running is beyond me, I'm powerless before an ice cream sandwich.
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Comments (151)
CamberwellCarrot 8
You should've mocked the loser who drives an ice cream truck for a living.
christyxbee 15
Or threw an ice cream sandwich back at him and asked him how he likes it?! And run off.
bringingsexybak 0
But That's like the best job there is!
opendoorclosed 8
Part of getting into shape is fighting temptation, be as stubborn / determined as you can and you'll make it. Good luck!
Keyman1212 14
Tosh.0 drove an Ice cream truck in the music video I'm Gipper, and he's doing alright for himself. That being said, yes, getting in shape is more mentally blocking temptations than anything else.
DontModMeDammit 10
I'm pretty sure his name is Daniel Tosh, not Tosh.o.
rexgar2000 10
who the **** is Daniel tosh or tosh?
Ruler3000 17
Or did he follow the ice cream truck? The world may never know...
ImmaB3AST 7
31- A ****** beast comedian.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Physical training of any sort is 95% mental and 5% body.
bitchslapped22 14
His name isn't Tosh.0
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
You should have called the police and told them he was selling drugs to children when they bought ice-cream cones. They called it the "herb-a-cone".
Finn_the_human 5
Sounds like the Jolly Olly Man.
cruxx 0
Next time run towards a park with kids.. And see if he is still an asshat ;)
zombicidal 11
sweet tooth (don't know if anyone has ever played twisted metal)
enonymous 9
Hey My Ice Cream Van is legit son. The chicks dig it...
mechasonic777 0
I concur.
Damn_Hippster 11
Ice cream! Where??!!
tsume24 3
round is a shape! (:
naughtia 14
Should have ran faster to get away from it and burn more calories!
gracevet88 0
My mammaw drove an ice cream truck in the summer when she visited from our of state so shed have extra money to spoil us with. **** u
NoobHat 6
How you kept running is beyond me, I'm powerless before an ice cream sandwich.
olpally 33
Careful though.. An ice cream man could also be a pedophile in disguise... run faster op!!!
ThreeSheetsGone 12
Mmm pedophile sandwich.....I mean, um, yeah, should've mooned him OP.
silver0jay 11
Well when destiny calls..... All you can do is go along with it
NotAPedo 0
Free ice cream if you manage to get into the my truck!! No adults allowed!
ImFrackinBored 13
70, Will there be cherry Nyquil Popsicles?
Wdgames 0
82, your comment and name just made you my best friend!
NotAPedo 0
Only if you promise to close your eyes
eln3mo13 8
sadly no, they only come in grape
meanmeli 0
did you buy some icecream afterwards??
Fruit_Dealer 9
Because after a good jog, there's nothing better than an icecream to negate all the weight you lost.
GardeningHoes 0
I believe that would be counter-productive.
je_suis_fml 11
50- and that, my friend, would be the point of sarcasm...
GardeningHoes 0
-54 I was speaking to #3, not #50, I'm simply saying this because I didn't detect any sarcasm in the post. Though I suppose I could be wrong, I've never been good with sarcasm over the Internet.
ikickgingers 15
Eat the ice cream while you're running. Now that, that is talent.
GardeningHoes 0
-75 Well, though I can't think of an exact time I did that, it doesn't sound hard.
ikickgingers 15
Exactly. :)
immortal628 20
Are you kidding? Jogging and ice cream are a terrible combination. **** the weight you gain back, I just think it would suck to walk home after you vomit!
decidedlyvague 11
gardeninghoes... I don't know if you realize this or not... so I'm just gonna break it to you... you're #50. I hope you aren't making a comment on a comment you posted, unless you have multiple people inside your head. It's alright then, but I would recommend that you go see your friendly neighborhood psychiatrist.
stormchaser24 24
You should have pulled out a dollar and had him follow you sone more and mock him like 1 said
XanderScythe 11
You should have run around the truck over and over with money in your hands, while saying you want ice cream.
yamatelle 19
The ice cream truck was mocking you? The only time I had a car talk to me was when I was on shrooms.
GrammarNaziFTW 0
Get out. -_-
Jovecove 13
Hahaha righttttt
GardeningHoes 0
Drugs are bad, mmkay.
yamatelle 19
76- How would you know? You're just a gardening hoe.
CyonideCyns 0
87- I do not believe 76's statement was sincere, I personally took it as a South Park reference. OP, you should have stopped to "buy an ice cream" and spit in that driver's face.
yamatelle 19
97- Neither was I. Her picture is that of a gardening hoes that's why I said it. But, seriously, what would a gardening hoe know about drugs?
CyonideCyns 0
101- I kinda began to think you might have been being sarcastic as well after I posted haha...And, garden hoses are party ANIMALS! you never know what crazy shit they're gonna get themselves into
j_cat187 20
Haha shrooms don't get lost
yamatelle 19
I meant her name is GardeningHoes. You don't have any clue about what's in that fertilizer. It's worst than shrooms.
yamatelle 19
I meant her name is GardeningHoes. You don't have any clue about what's in that fertilizer. It's worst than shrooms.
eln3mo13 8
depends on the gardening hoe. most drugs start off as plants ya know
Wheredidgrungego 12
I want your ice cream man!! Delicious and self-esteem crippling!!
tsim_fml 0
LUCKY!!!!! u got ur own ice cream truck!!!!!
Ugi 27
Hence the need to get in shape!
MeeshaMeeshaPup 8
What?? Where does it say that in the FML??
tsim_fml 0
94- well it followed OP hence getting ice cream whenever you want
flamerocker 9
Best way to do business...
hatepineapple 14
Well you're clearly not in that bad shape if you're faster than an ice cream truck...
bubo_fml 11
It'd feel foolish jogging 2 circus tunes during my workout too...
mgsoloist 14
The one that goes through my neighborhood just circles through the ABC's, baa baa black sheep, and twinkle twinkle little star.
GabbyCharityM 0
.. They're all the same tune.
uridea 14
That's why they invented portable music players :P
mgsoloist 14
Sarcasm. Not known to the Internet folk.
CyonideCyns 0
67- I think that she already knew that, To others, who thumbed down her comment about sarcasm, I'm pretty sure that was because of 67's assessment of her post.