Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML
Today, I asked my mom if she thought I looked skinny in my shorts. She jiggled my leg fat, looked up at me and walked away. FML
Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML
Today, I went to get a double conch piercing. Afterwards, the lady asked me whether I was feeling well, because I was looking so pale. I had to explain that it's my normal skin tone. I'm just pale as fuck. FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML
Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML
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Top comments
HerroMaylaHerro 6
What? How did you do that?
DocBastard 40
Hopefully her father's sense of humour isn't fake.
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Comments (108)
HerroMaylaHerro 6
What? How did you do that?
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
You have to be more careful with your words. And why would you ask about your girlfriends legs in front of her parents?
gntfmlingnow 12
^This. Asking about her legs while at dinner is an odd topic to say the least. It probably should have waited until later. Still, you're not really at fault here for messing up your words a bit, we all slip every once in a while.
LMFAOwned 9
I know right, that is the most inconvenient of circumstances ever. It's almost like it's neither fyl or ydi...
efemel94 7
OP can make up for his slip up by buying his girlfriend's dad a nice Christmas present; nothing fancy, just a stocking filler.
Braxton_84 3
One does not simply ask a person if they have fake legs at the dinner table.
writergirl69 0
You really shouldn't ask if someone fake-tans, period. It's kinda rude.
innavoiG 9
My dad has a prosthetic leg, so its hilarious when he tells my friends who don't know about it "Go ahead, kick me in the shin as hard as you can. I won't even feel it." and they get a stubbed toe.
thatssomeBS 9
All I can say is, Freud was right.
Hershey903 5
75 - Why not? If they spend the money for it, shoudn't we be able to comment on it? I really don't see how it's so rude.
MDTeddy 13
So Op doesn't know his gf's legs? That is a bit odd.
writergirl69 0
99- it would be like going up to a girl and saying, "Do you wear makeup?" I agree that fake tanning is stupid but people don't put on tanning lotion so people notice the tanning lotion- even if it sucks you should probably pretend it's normal, unless OP meant "girlfriend" as in "my female friend" and was trying to advise her on how to use tanning lotion, which I greatly doubt but if so that really should have waited until private.
anb1142_fml 7
Bf
anb1142_fml 7
PgBf
screamo_cupcake 7
I hope he wasn't to offended... You didn't know they were his.
yahoowizard 16
Even if the father didn't see it as offensive, that was a random dumb thing to say
DomDomxoxo 16
I don't think that that's what OP meant. I think his girlfriend actually put tanning lotion, so OP asked his girlfriend if her legs are fake (trying to be an asshole) not thinking about her dad's prosthetic legs.
Nbackus9 4
That sucks OP. I hope he wasn't mad. That's how we talk nowadays, people are fake. It wasn't your fault!
Lexi_princess 3
Oh that's to bad OP just say sorry to her dad in private so it's not embarrassing to him in front of everyone.
bargarlm 2
Why would you ask if she had fake legs... umm....
birdcagereligion 10
Fake = fake tan.
Pandacupcakelove 26
He probably didn't mean to say that...
SdFr_fml 1
That's mean. I just can't stand reading this kind of cruelty...
SliceOfCake 9
I can only imagine how you react when those humane society commercials come on. In the eyeees ooof an angellll...
A7X_LoVeee 10
^ :( I always change the channel when they come on. Unfortunately I've also noticed that they last too damn long!
SdFr_fml 1
I don't know those commercials. And my comment was a joke, but you know, you can laugh about everything, but not with everybody...
peachyFML 17
If you mute it, it's not that sad. Most of the animals are perfectly healthy and give the same body language as my dog when she wants a belly rub.
ACRKEC3442 1
It's in the ARMS of an angel..
khorton16 5
How exactly is this cruel?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
.
KiddNYC1O 22
36- Lies. That wasn't a joke. You were pretty sincere.
123jimny10 4
It was a joke. He said he can't STAND it. Because of the legs.
DocBastard 40
Hopefully her father's sense of humour isn't fake.
GrammarTeacher 1
You can't thumb down Doc! You bastards!!!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Guys. It's not his job to amuse you. Thumb up or thumb down, just don't complain.
Bpwoods 6
35 - heh heh, can't thumb down doc... Called them bastards... hehe...
DocBastard 40
Miss Kay - Saying a comment is weak isn't constructive criticism, it's just criticism. That said, I can't write winners every time. Would it matter if I said I hadn't slept in almost 60 hours and had 30 trauma patients in the past two days? No? Damn.
TrueTriage 16
Wait I thought trauma is more of a separate psychological thing not a physical injury. Anyone want to help out my understanding here?
DocBastard 40
Any patient that the medics identify as a trauma (shot, stabbed, car/motorcycle accident, falls, assault, etc) are brought to my trauma bay. All the other crap goes to the main emergency department.
TrueTriage 16
Huh alright neat so there have been a lot of stabbings, shootings, falling, and accidents in the last 60 hours
lorenzoman77 7
Doc, do you happen to have a degree in psychology?
ThePsyche 9
Found me(:
pittyfinny 4
Sounds like you should have more on your mind than replying to FML. I'd hate to be the trauma patient under your care.
DocBastard 40
pittyfinny - What exactly are you implying? That I should think about my patients and only my patients 24/7? That I shouldn't have time to do anything else like, oh I don't know, get married and have a family? My time management skills are just fine, thank. I would say that I'd hate to have an idiot like you as one of my trauma patients, but I get idiots like you ALL THE TIME.
that1guyyy 12
I don't get it. Her legs turning dark means her dad has prosthetics?
nikamarie 6
Her dad has prosthetics.
savy7093 9
Her legs being dark and her dad's legs have nothing to do with each other. The point is that their dinner became awkward when op mentioned fake legs because op's girlfriend's dad was there.
that1guyyy 12
Oh wow I just read that her family was there.
laden_swallow09 35
Reading comprehension. You can use it /outside/ the classroom, too! :)
ishuvaibhav 4
What does OP mean?
screamo_cupcake 7
Original poster.
shawnaishere 14
17- you denied all of us the right of making up silly abbreviations
SliceOfCake 9
17 is lying. It means Orgasmic Pineapples.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, it means Ovarian Prosthetics.
gabrayal 10
Ostrich pussy.
BeThePanda 1
Oriental penis. Don't listen to any of this nonsense.
cradle6 13
It's actually 'Orangutan posers.' The other 'definitions' are just silly abbreviations, especially number 17's. That one was funny.
Lexi_princess 3
Don't worry I didn't get it for a while to but #17 is right. The other people are just being silly now you can play along with them next time you see a question like that in the comments
madturk 0
Why 18 dislikes? O.o
emeraldisle 30
How do you confuse asking if she uses tanning lotion with asking if they're fake? Talk about a freudian slip.
savy7093 9
Because tanning lotion is a form of fake tanning.
Ozuru 11
The reason OP asked was because he had prosthetic legs in his mind, and said the wrong thing.
MCRaddict15 15
OP never said he had prosthetic legs in mind.