Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML
Today, I asked my mom if she thought I looked skinny in my shorts. She jiggled my leg fat, looked up at me and walked away. FML
Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML
Today, I went to get a double conch piercing. Afterwards, the lady asked me whether I was feeling well, because I was looking so pale. I had to explain that it's my normal skin tone. I'm just pale as fuck. FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML
Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML
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Top comments
HerroMaylaHerro 6
What? How did you do that?
DocBastard 40
Hopefully her father's sense of humour isn't fake.
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Comments (108)
Chuck_of_Norris 3
I have the sudden urge to roundhouse you....
OhDearBetrayal 25
Oh character profiles, how you never fail to lack humor.
Axipiter 24
Roadhouse.
IgnatiusBaseball 21
How did you go from asking if she used tanning lotion to having fake legs?
allonblack 4
Calling bullshit on this one.
graffitied_love 20
And yet another username that fits the story
Hiimhaileypotter 53
When you submit an FML, you have the option to change the name. That's why some usernames fit the FMLs. Who'd a thunk?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
My phone posted the same comment twice. Sorry, guys!
brittanyayy 8
Yeah you do really think someone's original username would be "oops"?
shawnaishere 14
Op sometimes we all say things without thinking. Hopefully he isn't too offended. I don't understand why you chose the word "fake"though. It's like saying someone's hair is fake just because they dyed it
pittyfinny 4
Fake tan or real tan. Duh
ishuvaibhav 4
25 - LOL! And 17 - thanks for tellin me
AwsumShyGuy 12
There's a button for that.
55z 1
Sorry but I actually laughed at this
kimmi41509 10
OP meant fake tan. He should have said that though. Not just "fake." YDI.
rooney0710 5
Just don't ask him for a hand later ;p if you know what I mean
unknown_user5566 27
I kind of get what you're implying, but it doesn't make much sense. OP didn't say the dad has prosthetic hands.
IAmJad 18
It would've made sense if he wouldn't have added the "if you know what I mean". Does he mean his girlfriends dad will give him a handy?
IAmJad 18
You could've just asked her if she was using tanning lotion. Were you really that nervous?