Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I went out on his boat. We got in the water and started to have sex when a fishing boat came by and chummed. There's nothing more romantic than bloody fish guts. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Today, I made my boyfriend a beautiful dinner of seafood and rice. This was the first time I could afford lobster, and thought it would be a great treat for us both. I learned that this was the first time he has eaten lobster, and he learned that he is allergic. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML
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Top comments
Tommy_fml 0
That's one nasty way to get crabs.
thewelshmetal 0
maybe he likes fish sauce with his meat.
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Comments (41)
thewelshmetal 0
maybe he likes fish sauce with his meat.
silentfirefly 0
@8 I applaud you
oyster42 0
#3, the problem is that salt causes a woman's private area to itch and burn horribly ... pretty much the same thing happened to me once, only it involved hot sauce from Hooters wings....
pdoom 0
I know some other people have said it, but yeah be glad it wasn't hot sauce. That stuff even burns on guy's junk too.
podrummer9209 0
Ugh, that would suck... I don't envy you.
Laughing_is_cool 4
gross haha
sarahhha 0
BURNNNN
Tommy_fml 0
That's one nasty way to get crabs.
FMLFML123123 0
hahaha wiiiin!
bugmenotmofo 34
no loss
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
How do you even get hot sauce on your crotch other than someone absentmindedly touching you after handling it? But yeah... I would have told him... No. That's kind of gross.
coderedz 0
ever watch van wilder 2? that'll answer your question
tdawgheath 0
so let him eat it out? duh.