Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to role-play non-consensual sex. I was already uncomfortable with the idea, and when she started begging, "No, no" as I stripped her, I dropped the role-play and walked out. Now she's pissed at me. I'm sorry, but this is fucking creepy. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML
Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML
Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Today, my girlfriend offered to roleplay as a sexy nun, then dumped me, claiming my saying yes meant I was attacking her catholic faith and that I’m a sick, depraved criminal. She was the one who offered. I’m not remotely interested in roleplay, I only agreed cause I thought it was her kink. FML
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Top comments
ILoveMyArm 15
She doesn't seem very qualified for the job...
bondgirl69 5
She might be into more freakier stuff like answering boring questions
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Comments (113)
cmoney1992 9
She's fired
ViRepz 28
She never got the job.
RedFox29 10
I wouldn't hire here anyways...
Obey_StudBoii 23
*Her
KinkyCurly 13
Corrections are becoming annoying. Especially if it's obvious it a typo.
UNLUCKYyY1037 26
In this economy...
Enslaved 38
What kind of "Job" are you applying for? Skilled in all positions? Willing to travel-- "Around the World"? Willing to bend over backwards? Any criminal history? "Not unless it's a crime to look hot" Enjoy learning hands on? Desired payment? "What, paid in inches? You're hired! Look forward to your next raise!"
seacadet 18
You win.
hcollins1 18
But she didn't pass the oral exam!
RoboCunnilingus 23
"Where do you see yourself in five to ten years?"
japtap81 16
More like "where do u see yourself in 5-10 minutes?"
buddy51 23
Maybe that was part of the role play OP? I think you were supposed to get on your knees and squeal like the pig she said you were while she plucked the banjo, lubed her giant ***** she recently got in the mail, strapped it on, and made comments on your "purty mouf" while giving it to you Gangnam style? I think you missed your cue to shift into your sweaty Ned Beatty impression!!
Olympiakos10 15
What the **** is wrong with you?
Pyro_Wolf 17
A bit too much don't you think 21?
buddy51 23
Deliverance me!!!
ikilledaman 9
What the ****? Sounds like you know a thing or two about this kind of stuff...
Deresius 12
She won't make it very far in the job market...
cottoncandymango 17
She seems to lack ability and work ethic...
MandySkittles 18
You should call her later and let her know she's not getting the job.. Sounds like she was roleplaying pretty accurately at least!
ViRepz 28
Why do you think you are more qualified for the job, over your best friend?