Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half carving a block of cheese to make cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML
Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML
Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML
Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML
Today, I had a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months worth of work file helped make the best sausages I've ever cooked. FML
Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML
Today, as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with, "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying, "By him, I mean Jesus." FML
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said, "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML
Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML
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Top comments
fiveforfighting 26
You might want to buy him dinner first!
briang959 47
That's hilarious OP. If he doesn't find it funny, maybe he's jealous of the mini sausages. :)
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Comments (52)
nikkipettyfer 24
I'm sure you'll laugh about it in a week or so!
A07 48
A story to tell the grand kids?
Joshwarrior 39
Hell, I'm sure he was laughing then already lol
fiveforfighting 26
You might want to buy him dinner first!
JazzHandsFML 28
I know this hotdog stand over by.....nevermind
HelenLFC 27
You need to use your internal filter!
hailzz_96 18
Did you get laid
mimiminx 23
It was OPs teacher so hopefully not :/
briang959 47
That's hilarious OP. If he doesn't find it funny, maybe he's jealous of the mini sausages. :)
CaroAurelia 12
I'm sure y'all will joke about that in a week or so. But I feel your pain. I say a lot of stuff that sounds better in my head, too.
cheshirecat13242 32
Lil' smokies? If he was talking about Vienna sausages, the dude isn't legit!
zenrael 21
Pause. Think. Then reply.
youngmessi252525 20
I would have died if someone said that to me your hilarious op
BadApple88 29
A sense of humor is deliciously sexy
quesok 22
Maybe it's the start of a beautiful sausage relationship