Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, I was driving my car when I suddenly got diarrhea and shat my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then one of my workmates saw my car and came to say hello. She saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I had to piss really bad, so we stopped at a gas station. I guess I had to pee so bad that I didn't think to check the PUBLIC toilet. My mom went in after me and when she got back in the car, she asked me if I'd pooped, which I hadn't, then she told me that the seat was covered in it. Actual shit. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
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Top comments
TheJester12 15
I keep re reading this fml and don't understand why I can't find the words " Taco and Bell" anywhere within it.
Pwib 14
If you gotta go...better the side of the road than on your interior, right?
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Comments (119)
kman4evah 16
-insert shi**y situation comment here-
CharresBarkrey 16
What a waste.
Incredidanny 5
Waste, indeed. A comment like that deserves a bowel of disapproval.
whos_ur_daddy1 19
Sounds like a shitty situation ;D no pun intended
red_headforlife 15
Seriously? The whole "insert shitty situation here" thing was never even funny. It's just as stupid as making a shitty pun.
TheBrochure 22
21 - I would argue that it is worse, because with "insert...here", there isn't even any effort put forth.
buddy51 23
You should be "exit only" with that comment!!
mattlw 25
Ok guys. I have tried this before, and now I'm going to try this again. This is such a terrible waste of the #1 spot, that I feel that #1 should be banned from posting comments for 48 hours. We vote, thumbs up for agree with the ban, and thumbs down to disagree. Maybe we can start taking back the number one spot and give it to people who are witty enough to use it correctly. 1-2-3 go.
Bloodjoker 11
How'd that work out for you?
NurseJonathan 9
Just like shit, this thread has hit the fan.
hellobobismyname 24
48, posting a comment and asking for thumbs up? Really?
SomeRandomGuy15 18
48- No matter how you try to justify it, no matter the cause, asking for thumbs up is just BEGGING for an onslaught of downvotes.
mattlw 25
@62 not too good!
mattlw 25
Well I asked thumbs up for yes vote and thumbs down for no vote. I was prepared for a burial in a sea of thumbs. I would venture to say that that is a little different than saying "thumbs up if you agree". Either way there is a million opportunities to redeem my mistakes. On to the next FML!
HahaHokayThen 10
You guys are really anal about your jokes & puns, aren't you?
sulitak 27
disgusting
Incredidanny 5
I'm glad I wasn't around when he shat himself.
dontpanic_fml 32
Wow, it happens guys. I think he did pretty good in that he could make it out of his car to relative cover in time.
MuseFan1991 14
true, at least he didn't just stop where he was and let rip. although it does leave the question of how did he wipe?
mif_fml 27
He/She didn't. In certain situations you have to use your underwear to get most of the residue off, throw them away, and go commando.
Dracoboxer357 36
38- Op is already squated down by a tire, pretending to change it. Rotate body 180' degrees and wipe/rub your ass up against the tire edge. :p
Bloodjoker 11
When you gotta go you gotta go :-
morella_xx 29
Sounds like you're speaking from experience there, #42.
wjh100 13
generally speaking if youre sqautting you don't have to wipe. I know this because I've visited many countries where they use sqaut toilets instead of sit and they never supply toilet paper
mif_fml 27
#66, I most definitely am.
dearminiben 11
Yucks
im_joking 11
Yes... I'm guessing he didn't wipe...
hopsinlove17 26
Everybody poops.(:
iLike2Teabag 27
Except for girls.
therealafroninga 10
What are girls?
Pwib 14
If you gotta go...better the side of the road than on your interior, right?
Pwib 14
Thanks, I appreciate that since sometimes people criticize me for being a little nutty.
xYin 16
" Better out than in, I always say! " -Shrek At least it wasn't in your car OP c:
kickass1stbase 7
Doesn't Hagrid also say that when Ron is vomiting slugs?
Raori 25
What did you use to wipe? Your pockets? Or is that your next FML story? This is classic
Enslaved 38
I can't be the only person that keeps a stack of fast food napkins in my glove box. Subway is there when I need to blow my nose. (:
ColdplaySucks 18
You can always spare a sock.
TheJester12 15
I keep re reading this fml and don't understand why I can't find the words " Taco and Bell" anywhere within it.
wvcheesehead1 9
I wonder if a 16 year old boy told op he could not use the inside toilet.
Phinox237 6
Don't you hate when you legitimately laugh at something and miss the like button
lonewolf621 17
Ewww FYL!
spottyblanket 8
Oh gross! @TheJester12 AHAHA!
SomeRandomGuy15 18
There's this nifty little feature called a reply button...
rawr_ily96 24
This just made my terrifying night for the second time... By the way, I'm looking to hire someone to slap me every time I think about listening to the original Japanese Lavender Town music. I listened to it earlier and I can't sleep, so here I am.