Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Today, I was driving my car when I suddenly got diarrhea and shat my pants. I put a plastic bag under me to not let all the shit go through my pants and get to my seat. Then one of my workmates saw my car and came to say hello. She saw all the shit and the plastic bag. FML
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I had to piss really bad, so we stopped at a gas station. I guess I had to pee so bad that I didn't think to check the PUBLIC toilet. My mom went in after me and when she got back in the car, she asked me if I'd pooped, which I hadn't, then she told me that the seat was covered in it. Actual shit. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
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Top comments
TheJester12 15
I keep re reading this fml and don't understand why I can't find the words " Taco and Bell" anywhere within it.
Pwib 14
If you gotta go...better the side of the road than on your interior, right?
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Comments (119)
thehowiie 6
you had Panda Express or Taco Bell huh?
journeytotheend 16
"Driving home after a night of partying" it better of been too much cake
lightburns 10
I've diarrhoed into a waste bin before, when the bathroom was occupied. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
djinnyf 12
Sounds like you gave a new and unknown intolerance...
anyoldnamewilldo 23
That is nasty as hell. Could you not have stopped at a gas station or fast food joint? Hell, even a 24 hour Walmart or Walgreens would have been better than sh*tting of the side of the road like an animal. You left out what you wiped with so I am assuming you either didn't or used your underwear. YDI
TVKill3r 15
Lets read the word "suddenly" together shall we?
Jenn50 19
Not everybody lives in the middle of a city. The nearest town to me is 10 minutes away and is small enough that everything closes at 9 PM. After 9, you'd have to drive for 40 minutes to the nearest city to find a public washroom.
pedinhuh 23
Sooo...I hope you wiped atleast.. That's why keep a TP roll in my car...Yes, that happened before!
wvcheesehead1 9
I have surrendered perfectly good socks to that cause before.
skyeyez9 25
OP probably had to use a sock to wipe. But if you are lucky, you had extra mcdonalds napkins or tissue in the glove box.
onorexveritas 24
did you wipe with trash littered on the road?
ForeverAloneGal 23
Oh man, that's unfortunate. I've had to pull over for the peeps on the roadside but, never the poops.