Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML
Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I woke up after going to a rave with some friends. I got very nauseous and sat down behind a garbage bin outside to puke. I sat directly on fresh pee. About an hour later, I sat down on a toilet seat also covered in pee. I forgot to shower when I got home. FML
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Top comments
karagarren 8
Oh man. everyone has to go through that disaster at least once
ElainaCutsYou 0
Sit on the toilet and lean over the tub.
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Comments (124)
karagarren 8
Oh man. everyone has to go through that disaster at least once
Kyzahhh 7
Atleast when you have kids and they complain about feeling sick you can tell them this story and not to complain till this has happened to them
enonymous 9
It's good that she's a chick. Blame it on a really strong period causing your colon to cramp up
FailBear920 19
Honey badger dont give a shit! That sucks op i feel bad
hypuuurness 6
18- haha I love that
zuzupetalsYO 11
Good thing you are right next to a shower. Get in it!
ArcadePie 10
This happened to me in school when i was six and people still slag me about it to this day
touch_the_sky 7
It's a shitty situation.
DEADTR00PER 0
Either take your friends clothing and clean up and dispose of shitty clothing. Or try to go home??
abbyelizabeth 9
I think I've read at least five FML's similar to this. :|
xTexasLonghorn1 0
ur profile picture. was it taken in Madison, ms at calk of the walk
Po1ntBlank 0
I confirmed this FML xD
Pebbles89 9
#50 are those naked people???!
Charkan_fml 7
#84 Why yes, they are.
chrissi3vintage 0
shit happens and we have to deal with them. *awkward moment* with a fellow of your friend.
HeavyScout 0
Ahh, I see what you did there
StoryOfTheYear 15
Good job. Would you like an award?
BooGhosted 0
Would you?^ Cause I do.
StoryOfTheYear 15
No soup for you!!
ElainaCutsYou 0
Sit on the toilet and lean over the tub.
herpitydurteedur 0
That's what I always do :/ especially cause I live in a house where people could care less if I am covered in sick or not. Besides, if ou crap first, there's less of a chance that you will when you actually do puke.
sxe_beast 11
The tub and toilet in some bathrooms are night right next to each other. Like mine. I sit on the toilet and hold the waist basket O.O.
Ames19 6
21: i did the same thing..
sunrise1234 3
multitasking is a good skill to have(;
Freeze_fml 17
Pretty sure OP just explained why multitasking fails here.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Lol must've been quite the party to have been sleeping in your pants. ;)
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
They could've easily been pajama pants.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Very possible, and was probably then worded that way because "shit my pants" is the cliché term. Nice catch sir.
lmBobSaget 0
SCREAMING EAGLE!
btstig 11
Sometimes keeping shit to yourself is a good idea.
hurrican_fml 0
Oh I see what you did there :)
polishboy 0
Very punny sir. Good one
joefrazier 20
Man that is messed up
slick5880 22
Good looking dog. Bad comment.
xlorawrz 9
The "Oh, shit, please tell me that didn't just happen" events always tend to happen at houses other than your own. Sorry OP, hope you took care of yourself.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Yeah like one time when i was at my friends house, there was a pocket knife on her bathroom counter and I started looking at it. Then I dropped in in the toilet.
xlorawrz 9
...
Bbhd05 0
#46. tha ****?!?
ibhim 0
Play it like a hangover bro, it works perfectly.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Hangovers -should- smell like alcohol, dissapointment and slow death. They do not smell like a toddler after a sopository.