Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom after my 9 year-old nephew. Apparently nobody taught him to lift the seat when he pees, or how to aim properly, because when I sat down, I sat in his pee. FML
Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "…and she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML
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Top comments
MarioDragon 14
Just put toilet paper on the seat and take a shower when you get home
deviable 9
It's not like I don't understand why people don't want to use public toilets, but wouldn't it be easier to bring some toilet seat covers? Squatters often cause the most mess.
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Comments (116)
Justine94_x 31
This is why I don't piss in public places..
fakefantasy 0
yeah and what if it was between that time period dumbass? plus I doubt they really do it that often anyway, even if they're supposed to.
loserthegreat 11
thats so sweet!! id be pissing my self laughing too if my niece said that to me :D
RedPillSucks 33
I guess it's a good thing you were in the restroom then, with all the pissing going on.
Codi_A 1
That's adorable!
WCARlover 35
I'm a squatter myself:)
MIL0_fml 0
It wasn't much of an fml... I do that all the time an I bet all the other women in the washroom do it too... The op is over exaggerating. The little girl was adorable though :)
inac0ma 1
Squatters are disgusting and you deserve the embarrassment. How many times have I had to clean pee off the seat after someone else went, just because they were afraid of a few harmless germs. Put toilet paper down on it if you are soooo worried. Don't make it a urine party for the rest of us!
WCARlover 35
I squat but I don't get pee on the seat. Those are inconsiderate squatters. And I wouldn't call the germs on toilet seats harmless
THE_A_TEEN 28
Oh boo-hoo #43, I had to clean of shit in a bathroom before (the COMPLETELY missed the toilet) at my job. Careful squatters manage to land it in and some even try to clean up for themselves (me). Plus you are an idiot, +30cm your safe, -30 cm. you can get various germs and viruses (like a stomach flu). dumbass...
alycion 39
Not all squatters leave a mess.
perdix 31
Why would the whole room be pissing their pants if that room is a bathroom? Wouldn't everyone be pissing in their toilets?
Zomg_Okay 27
Unless there's absolutely no time for it (example; your next class with a cranky teacher starts in 2 minutes) you just wipe the seat with bog roll, OP.
ThanksKarma 0
Just buy one of those vases that they use somewhere across the pond and you can pee standing up. I think I saw them being sold at an Ikea.