Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom after my 9 year-old nephew. Apparently nobody taught him to lift the seat when he pees, or how to aim properly, because when I sat down, I sat in his pee. FML
Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "…and she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML
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Top comments
MarioDragon 14
Just put toilet paper on the seat and take a shower when you get home
deviable 9
It's not like I don't understand why people don't want to use public toilets, but wouldn't it be easier to bring some toilet seat covers? Squatters often cause the most mess.
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Comments (116)
charlie43 1
Look on the bright side, if he were a boy he woulda yelled "auntie! Where's your penis"
blair_x 12
Even with the papery covering on the seat, sitting down on a seat that has like, 150+ people's asses sitting on it everyday (and at least a few of them probably aren't very clean and have like, herpes or something) is kind of gross, so yes, I will kangaroo-squat over every public toilet seat if I have to use one at all. But that's just me.
seeb49 7
They say telephones have more germs than toilet seats.
KTC30 0
But their pants were down so they couldn't piss their pants laughing.
jsprackman 11
kangaroo with a neice in its pouch.
orchid_12 1
OP deserved it for squatting while they piss. Squatters and toilet seat liners make more of a mess than people who sit down. Honestly you can not catch anything from a toilet see by just sitting on it, I could see if someone rubbed their junk on it but really who would.
taurusxdee 10
It wouldn't make sense for them to piss their pants in a bathroom...=P
aFMLfann4life 0
I do that tooo! & I thought I es the only one..
luvisgood 1
Haha!! This made my day OP. I'm sure it made everyone else's in the bathrooms day too! I seriously LOL'd.
gunman15 4
At least there in a washroom