Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom after my 9 year-old nephew. Apparently nobody taught him to lift the seat when he pees, or how to aim properly, because when I sat down, I sat in his pee. FML
Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "…and she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML
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Top comments
MarioDragon 14
Just put toilet paper on the seat and take a shower when you get home
deviable 9
It's not like I don't understand why people don't want to use public toilets, but wouldn't it be easier to bring some toilet seat covers? Squatters often cause the most mess.
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Comments (116)
doogy15 11
Good time to hop on out of there. I'm sorry someone had to do it.
KK3137 31
I doubt they pissed their pants... maybe just the toilets...
Headcrab 29
squatting actually IS unhealthy. And a toilet seat is the cleaner part in there. If you are a germophobe the steer clear of the door handle, sink cranes or the blower to dry your hands. Those are the filthy parts.
SPC117 5
Does this call for me to use that crappy joke "well that's a SHITTY situation!" or can we just skip it?
ScuseMePrincess 2
People who hover over the toilet seat because of germs are part of the problem. In all likelihood, they're the ones splashing piss all over the seat! Just sit down and then wipe yourself off with toilet paper if you're that concerned. The door handles are much dirtier than the toilet seat anyway. Who cares if you get germs on your butt anyway?
shrdlu 28
You could have bought one of those funnels that let you stand up (Google "pee standing"). Then your niece would have piped up "Auntie, why are you weeing standing up?" and everyone would have thought you were a man in the ladies' lav. I'm not sure that would have been an improvement though.
Neonnight 0
So cute
LecheeBubble 0
Toilet seat protectors, toilet paper barrier no point in squatting high chance you'll miss the toilet.
spearth 6
At least they were in the bathroom...
Mourningstar 4
So you're the bitch I have to clean piss off the seat from! The SEAT is the cleanest part of the bathroom, just watch Mythbusters